31 January, 2008
Always say I'll see you later.
23:35 / 0 comment(s) 
I was just thinking, today as I made my way home, how very wasteful I am of time. For example, I have accomplished absolutely nothing since I reached home at 7pm today, besides briefly tidying up my pig sty of a room, which didn't take more than 20 minutes. Well if I really had to admit it, I'd have to say that the time-wasting began at 1.30pm today, because training didn't amount to much at all, and I could have come home and studied. Plus, it rained at about four and I got drenched and so I am in a self-righteous mood because HEY, I got caught in the rain and having to suffer through that and wet clothes and wet shoes makes me better than you.
I've been getting the feeling that the more I train the worse I become.
I know, I know. I'm not supposed to think like that. But optimism does grate on one's nerves after a while. Especially forced optimism. But it really does feel like I am so absolutely shit at archery. I find that I always feel so goddamn apologetic when I'm shooting, as if my sub-standard form is an imposition on the other archers and I am embarrassed for them to have to suffer my presence. Whenever I don't shoot well, I keep on making excuses up in my head, that go like "oh, I'm just grouping in the wrong place", or "oh, my release was bad for that shot".
In other news, I met all the deadlines there are to meet this week. But there's a new bunch of deadlines so it isn't much of a breather.
Tell me why everything is going downhill.
I hate gravity.
Why does it feel like the more I try, the worse everything becomes? My life feels like a snowball rolling down a steep incline, getting faster, getting heavier, as it approaches its eventual destruction.
But it isn't in my nature to stop trying. I can't just give everything up and let everything go. Already I feel like I have nothing, and grasping on to these meagre pieces of my pathetic life is all I can do to remain standing on my own two feet.
I take small comfort in my music, in my nightmares and dreams, in my snippets of prose, in my own little world that is too small, too suffocating, that I am afraid I'm coming close to shutting myself out.
I've been getting the feeling that the more I train the worse I become.
I know, I know. I'm not supposed to think like that. But optimism does grate on one's nerves after a while. Especially forced optimism. But it really does feel like I am so absolutely shit at archery. I find that I always feel so goddamn apologetic when I'm shooting, as if my sub-standard form is an imposition on the other archers and I am embarrassed for them to have to suffer my presence. Whenever I don't shoot well, I keep on making excuses up in my head, that go like "oh, I'm just grouping in the wrong place", or "oh, my release was bad for that shot".
In other news, I met all the deadlines there are to meet this week. But there's a new bunch of deadlines so it isn't much of a breather.
Tell me why everything is going downhill.
I hate gravity.
Why does it feel like the more I try, the worse everything becomes? My life feels like a snowball rolling down a steep incline, getting faster, getting heavier, as it approaches its eventual destruction.
But it isn't in my nature to stop trying. I can't just give everything up and let everything go. Already I feel like I have nothing, and grasping on to these meagre pieces of my pathetic life is all I can do to remain standing on my own two feet.
I take small comfort in my music, in my nightmares and dreams, in my snippets of prose, in my own little world that is too small, too suffocating, that I am afraid I'm coming close to shutting myself out.
22:12 / 0 comment(s)
29 January, 2008
是我的好朋友
我知道在她心里面
能看得见一切
在她透明的心儿里面
有一个角落
那里停放着
善良的故事和动人的传说
这个世界没有欺骗也没有争夺
美丽的女孩叫叶子
它经常这麽说
在她透明的眼睛里面
有一片湖泊
那里沉浸着
喜悦的伤感和忧郁的快乐
它的水面上没有涟漪也没有颜色
长长的睫毛闪烁着无尽的猜测
叶子问:
爱情是什麽颜色的
如果忧郁是蓝色的
快乐是什麽颜色的
如果寂寞是灰色的
天空是什麽颜色的
如果汪洋是蓝色的
我说天空也是蓝色的
因为他们彼此相爱了
爱情是什麽颜色的
如果记忆是模糊的
渴望是什麽颜色的
如果时间是静止的
永恒是什麽颜色的
如果呼吸是短暂的
我想我只好沉默
因为这问题地球也在思考着
透明是什麽颜色的
如果风儿是快乐的
叶子的眼睛是透明的
心是心是快乐的
心是快乐的
I've loved this song since forever. Dug up my old MP3s. I can't even remember what year they were from. I only remember that they were from the old AudioGalaxy days... anyone remember that little programme? Got all of 'em on my old 56K dial-up, each song taking half an hour to download. Haha. Those were the days.
And before you accuse me of pirating (well, you won't be wrong), I bought two of their albums. 羽泉's songs are really good.
Decided not to go for COM205 lecture tomorrow morning because I have to finish up my marketing presentation and do something about my 202 assignment. Sigh. I wasted tonight. I'm kind of disappointed with myself actually. Only finished (tried to, at least) my marketing and linguistics tutorials. I don't know what happened to the rest of the time. Anyway, I resolve to wake up early tomorrow and work my ass off. REALLY. I'll wake up at 6.30am. I swear.
Anyway, I got my pay today! YAYYYYY. I'm so happy. But I already spent all of it save $10. Haha. Was at Bugis on Sunday (very convenient to have lessons in that area!) and saw a TimBuk2 messenger bag at DCP that was todiefor. And I needed a new bag to bring to school anyway. My Billabong one is so threadbare, when I look inside I can see sunlight filtering through. So yeah. Feels good to spend your pay before you get it. Really. :P
Okay I better toddle off to sleep if I'm to wake up early and do all the work I promised to do.
00:50 / 1 comment(s)
28 January, 2008
Haven't blogged in a while. Feeling a little disheartened by several things. One of the major ones being that my archery score sucks. I need to hit the qualifying score by next Saturday. I'm more than a 100 points off. I know everyone will take part in the competition eventually, but it just doesn't feel right if I keep on shooting this badly. I'm disappointed, but there's this will in me to do better. So I want to train as much as I can.
I wanted to shoot tomorrow, but I have to finalise the marketing presentation for Tuesday, so I can't go down before my tutorial, which was what I initially planned to do. I want to shoot after my tutorial, but I have to teach tuition at 6, so there won't be enough time to rush back and bathe and everything if I do.
I know this is all in my head, but I just feel so pressed for time, and that everything in my way-too-long to-do list is suffocating me.
I'm fine, I'm fine, really. (Can you tell I'm just trying to convince myself?) I've got so many readings I've yet to do. I've been trying to sleep before midnight everyday and I'm succeeding. Well, except for the occasional exception like today. I've been trying to work on the powerpoint for the marketing presentation and I'm facing the problem of trying to squeeze a lot of information into as few slides as possible. I've spend the past 2 or 3 hours trying different methods, and now I've just about settled on one, although the perfectionist in me is still clamouring for me to slave over it a few more hours to get it to look less disgusting, but the practical side of me is telling me to just leave it because it's not graded anyway.
I wanted to shoot tomorrow, but I have to finalise the marketing presentation for Tuesday, so I can't go down before my tutorial, which was what I initially planned to do. I want to shoot after my tutorial, but I have to teach tuition at 6, so there won't be enough time to rush back and bathe and everything if I do.
I know this is all in my head, but I just feel so pressed for time, and that everything in my way-too-long to-do list is suffocating me.
I'm fine, I'm fine, really. (Can you tell I'm just trying to convince myself?) I've got so many readings I've yet to do. I've been trying to sleep before midnight everyday and I'm succeeding. Well, except for the occasional exception like today. I've been trying to work on the powerpoint for the marketing presentation and I'm facing the problem of trying to squeeze a lot of information into as few slides as possible. I've spend the past 2 or 3 hours trying different methods, and now I've just about settled on one, although the perfectionist in me is still clamouring for me to slave over it a few more hours to get it to look less disgusting, but the practical side of me is telling me to just leave it because it's not graded anyway.
And the years go by so fast
Wonder how I ever made it through
- "Two Beds and a Coffee Machine", Savage Garden
00:26 / 0 comment(s)
18 January, 2008
Coming to the end of my boring 3 hour break in between lectures. Argh. I'm so sleepy/tired/sian. Don't feel like going for my next lecture. For some reasons I feel like going to train. Haha. Even though the sun is unforgiving today.
Have spent the entire break trying to work on my COM208 assignment where we have to assess 3 different communication journals. It's not worth much marks wise, but it seems to require an inordinate amount of effort to complete. The problem lies not so much in having to read through the journal articles (with titles like "The Effects of Negativity and Motivated Information Processing During a Political Campaign", "Record and Hold: Popular Music between Personal and Collective Memory" and "Examining the Influence of Telepresence on Spectator and Player Processing of Real and Fictitious Brands in a Computer Game"), but in trying to assess and evaluate the journals because hello, I know next to nothing about them and as long as they're relatively boring and long and contain numbers, they're pretty much better than anything I can produce.
Sigh.
Oh and I finally stopped hitting my arm after changing my grip. Ironically, I sustained one of my worst injuries yesterday because I didn't nock my arrow properly and effectively dry-released and hit my arm pretty badly in the process.
Can't wait to go home. My butt is becoming numb from sitting on this bench for 2 and a half hours straight. I can't leave because I'm alone and I can't leave my laptop alone. In uni I've become so neurotic about my valuables. I especially hate going to the toilet alone when I have my laptop along with me because have the choice of either leaving it outside the cubicle and praying that nobody steals it, or trying to precariously balance it on my bag.
Ah well enough. I need to go.
Have spent the entire break trying to work on my COM208 assignment where we have to assess 3 different communication journals. It's not worth much marks wise, but it seems to require an inordinate amount of effort to complete. The problem lies not so much in having to read through the journal articles (with titles like "The Effects of Negativity and Motivated Information Processing During a Political Campaign", "Record and Hold: Popular Music between Personal and Collective Memory" and "Examining the Influence of Telepresence on Spectator and Player Processing of Real and Fictitious Brands in a Computer Game"), but in trying to assess and evaluate the journals because hello, I know next to nothing about them and as long as they're relatively boring and long and contain numbers, they're pretty much better than anything I can produce.
Sigh.
Oh and I finally stopped hitting my arm after changing my grip. Ironically, I sustained one of my worst injuries yesterday because I didn't nock my arrow properly and effectively dry-released and hit my arm pretty badly in the process.
Can't wait to go home. My butt is becoming numb from sitting on this bench for 2 and a half hours straight. I can't leave because I'm alone and I can't leave my laptop alone. In uni I've become so neurotic about my valuables. I especially hate going to the toilet alone when I have my laptop along with me because have the choice of either leaving it outside the cubicle and praying that nobody steals it, or trying to precariously balance it on my bag.
Ah well enough. I need to go.
15:00 / 0 comment(s)
16 January, 2008
Blogging now because I absolutely cannot make it past the abstract of a paper I'm reading for my Info Literacy class.
Today is one of my long-break days. 4 hours of break. Got quite a bit of stuff done during the break like topping up my printing account, buying my Comm Research textbook, printing notes, collecting my Marketing notes, and having class until 6. My linguistics and marketing tutorials weren't as bad as I thought they would be though. In fact they were pretty enjoyable, especially the linguistics tutorial.
There's speech comm tutorial tomorrow. Ugh, I hate public speaking. I don't get stage fright, so that's not the problem. The problem is that I usually have nothing to say. I mean I usually have nothing to say in normal situations as it is. I catch myself more stuttering more frequently and being at a loss for words, things I never used to do. I don't know why either. But the upshot is, I have nothing to say in front of everyone. I hope my tutor talks more about himself, since he loves talking so much.
I don't think I can pass the archery trials next Saturday. I didn't want to say this, because I didn't want to engage in "negative thinking", but it's true. I was shooting on Monday and I was absolutely hopeless at 50m. Makes me kind of disgusted with myself. Going down to train on Thursday, but suddenly I don't really feel the motivation. But yeah, I know I need to do something. Oh and I'll bring my cap this time because the sun was unbearably hot on Monday.
Oh and did I mention that I have bad luck? Sigh. Thought I was being clever, leaving the range before it rained. Got caught in it on the way home anyway. Was at the bus stop when it started raining but was half wet because of the wind by the time I got on the bus. When I reached my stop, I discovered to my dismay that the bus stop was flooded. My shoes were totally soaked as I sloshed through the water and I was so upset that I didn't really care how much wetter I was going to get on the walk home. To top it off, I had a headache from the heat. And I had to teach tuition that day. Panadol was my saviour.
Gah. I'd better go finish off that reading or I'll never do it. You know what? On second thought--heck it. I'm just going to sleep. I'm beat.
Today is one of my long-break days. 4 hours of break. Got quite a bit of stuff done during the break like topping up my printing account, buying my Comm Research textbook, printing notes, collecting my Marketing notes, and having class until 6. My linguistics and marketing tutorials weren't as bad as I thought they would be though. In fact they were pretty enjoyable, especially the linguistics tutorial.
There's speech comm tutorial tomorrow. Ugh, I hate public speaking. I don't get stage fright, so that's not the problem. The problem is that I usually have nothing to say. I mean I usually have nothing to say in normal situations as it is. I catch myself more stuttering more frequently and being at a loss for words, things I never used to do. I don't know why either. But the upshot is, I have nothing to say in front of everyone. I hope my tutor talks more about himself, since he loves talking so much.
I don't think I can pass the archery trials next Saturday. I didn't want to say this, because I didn't want to engage in "negative thinking", but it's true. I was shooting on Monday and I was absolutely hopeless at 50m. Makes me kind of disgusted with myself. Going down to train on Thursday, but suddenly I don't really feel the motivation. But yeah, I know I need to do something. Oh and I'll bring my cap this time because the sun was unbearably hot on Monday.
Oh and did I mention that I have bad luck? Sigh. Thought I was being clever, leaving the range before it rained. Got caught in it on the way home anyway. Was at the bus stop when it started raining but was half wet because of the wind by the time I got on the bus. When I reached my stop, I discovered to my dismay that the bus stop was flooded. My shoes were totally soaked as I sloshed through the water and I was so upset that I didn't really care how much wetter I was going to get on the walk home. To top it off, I had a headache from the heat. And I had to teach tuition that day. Panadol was my saviour.
Gah. I'd better go finish off that reading or I'll never do it. You know what? On second thought--heck it. I'm just going to sleep. I'm beat.
00:31 / 0 comment(s)
02 January, 2008
My arm hurts. Didn't really recover enough from Monday's training so the ache in my right arm hadn't gone away before I started using it again. Yeah, I know it's because I'm not using my back muscles to pull bow that's causing this problem, but today's training made it worse.
I'm making it sound more painful than it really is, because it isn't. It's a dull ache that sharpens when I swing my arm a certain way. But it usually doesn't last this long.
And I really really should get a new finger tab. Mine worn out so quickly because my hands get sweaty, and now my 2nd, 3rd and 4th fingers ache at the first joint where the string rests.
But! My score has been improving (which should be the case) and I'm happy about it even though it's an expected outcome. Something'd be wrong if it didn't. Remember I said my previous score was something along the lines of 88/360? That was at 18m. We've been shooting 30m for about two weeks now and my latest score is something like 396/720. Hey, I'm passing!! I'm scraping ~200/360 a round now. I want to break 400 on my total score!
Need to move up to 50m soon. The competition's on 16 & 17 February. Consecutive days! Don't know how I'm gonna shoot. Tried shooting 50m on Monday and I haven't sighted properly yet. I can't aim at the board, I've got to aim above it (like at the tree's branches in the background) because my poundage is too low and my arrows can't reach the board. Grrrr. I think I'll borrow my friend's 26lb limbs to shoot with. Almost all the girls have upgraded to 28lbs and I haven't! There aren't any more club limbs for me to upgrade to either. Blah.
Oh well, gonna watch Alvin & The Chipumunks with the archery people tomorrow. :)
I'm making it sound more painful than it really is, because it isn't. It's a dull ache that sharpens when I swing my arm a certain way. But it usually doesn't last this long.
And I really really should get a new finger tab. Mine worn out so quickly because my hands get sweaty, and now my 2nd, 3rd and 4th fingers ache at the first joint where the string rests.
But! My score has been improving (which should be the case) and I'm happy about it even though it's an expected outcome. Something'd be wrong if it didn't. Remember I said my previous score was something along the lines of 88/360? That was at 18m. We've been shooting 30m for about two weeks now and my latest score is something like 396/720. Hey, I'm passing!! I'm scraping ~200/360 a round now. I want to break 400 on my total score!
Need to move up to 50m soon. The competition's on 16 & 17 February. Consecutive days! Don't know how I'm gonna shoot. Tried shooting 50m on Monday and I haven't sighted properly yet. I can't aim at the board, I've got to aim above it (like at the tree's branches in the background) because my poundage is too low and my arrows can't reach the board. Grrrr. I think I'll borrow my friend's 26lb limbs to shoot with. Almost all the girls have upgraded to 28lbs and I haven't! There aren't any more club limbs for me to upgrade to either. Blah.
Oh well, gonna watch Alvin & The Chipumunks with the archery people tomorrow. :)
21:34 / 0 comment(s)
01 January, 2008
Remodeled. That took me long enough. It's been half a year since I last changed the layout, and this contains even less original work than the last. I'm very partial to the little flying schoolbus on the previous layout though, and I'm sad to see it go, but I think everyone's a little sick of it already (me included, I must admit).
It features a scan from the manga Beck, which I'm reading now. I extracted the image by erasing the background by hand. I know there are probably other ways to do it, but I'm more comfortable erasing (actually I did masking, but it's about the same, except that it's easier to undo mistakes).
I spent most of my time drawing the stripe things. And yes, I'm aware that there are still a few kinks in the lines. Who knew a few lines were so bloody difficult to draw? Again, I'm sure there's an easier way to do it, but I haven't figured out how. What I did was to draw paths by hand using the pen tool and then fill them. It's a bit difficult to see if the paths are perfectly smooth though, but I think with a bit more practice I can get it right.
I stole the pink/orange colour combination from scan.
And this layout is not compatible with resolutions with widths larger than 1280 because I'm too lazy to make the background tile. :P I tried, but it was really too much of a headache/I couldn't be bothered. So if you have one of them hugeass monitors with 1600 or more pixels wide, well I think there won't be any stripes on the right of your screen because I have the background set to no-repeat.
Oh, updated the sidebar info, which I haven't touched for a long time. Didn't want to put in latest information about me, since it'd make this blog easier to find via Google than it already is, but what the heck. Idon't write anything worth writing self-censor on this this blog anyway
Oh, and there are a few things that may not be immediately obvious (haha a bonus for you people who got this far into the post). "Aprilesque" is written on Koyuki's pant leg, and I'm pretty proud of editing that in. It's not 100% convincing, but I think it works. And if you just thought I was using alternate colours for the title and missed the "s", well you're not wrong, but read the light coloured words on their own. It sums up the way I look at life. :) The title itself is also an open-ended incomplete sentence:
It features a scan from the manga Beck, which I'm reading now. I extracted the image by erasing the background by hand. I know there are probably other ways to do it, but I'm more comfortable erasing (actually I did masking, but it's about the same, except that it's easier to undo mistakes).
I spent most of my time drawing the stripe things. And yes, I'm aware that there are still a few kinks in the lines. Who knew a few lines were so bloody difficult to draw? Again, I'm sure there's an easier way to do it, but I haven't figured out how. What I did was to draw paths by hand using the pen tool and then fill them. It's a bit difficult to see if the paths are perfectly smooth though, but I think with a bit more practice I can get it right.
I stole the pink/orange colour combination from scan.
And this layout is not compatible with resolutions with widths larger than 1280 because I'm too lazy to make the background tile. :P I tried, but it was really too much of a headache/I couldn't be bothered. So if you have one of them hugeass monitors with 1600 or more pixels wide, well I think there won't be any stripes on the right of your screen because I have the background set to no-repeat.
Oh, updated the sidebar info, which I haven't touched for a long time. Didn't want to put in latest information about me, since it'd make this blog easier to find via Google than it already is, but what the heck. I
Oh, and there are a few things that may not be immediately obvious (haha a bonus for you people who got this far into the post). "Aprilesque" is written on Koyuki's pant leg, and I'm pretty proud of editing that in. It's not 100% convincing, but I think it works. And if you just thought I was using alternate colours for the title and missed the "s", well you're not wrong, but read the light coloured words on their own. It sums up the way I look at life. :) The title itself is also an open-ended incomplete sentence:
Music makes me believe...
... that there is hope in this world.
... that everything will be all right.
... that I'm special.
... that I'm blessed.
... that I'm not alone.
23:49 / 1 comment(s)
Borrowed the book I Am Legend by Richard Matheson. Had to reserve it because every copy is on loan/reserved. Can't really say whether it was worth the effort or not, but I wanted to read the original story since I enjoyed the movie it was based on. I can say that it is something I wouldn't have picked up if not for the movie, because it has vampires in it and is supposed to be horror, a genre I don't usually read.
That said, the story was alright. The movie is very different from the book, and the titular phrase takes on a very different meaning in it. I prefer the movie, since I'm a sucker for those small-colony-of-humans-at-the-seeming-end-of-the-world plots. And I like happy(-ier) endings.
I found it hard to get into the story in the beginning. Matheson's writing came across as confusing and abrupt. Then again, it might have been my inability to follow his prose. *shrug*
My favourite bit in the book was when the dog appeared. It gave the story a human element that was missing, something that I felt the main character Robert Neville lacked. I didn't like him; he was a very angry, violent man who smoked and drank too much. I couldn't understand him at all. Matheson seems to write in a merely descriptive way without delving into any meaningful thoughts or insights.
Maybe it's because I watched the movie already, but I failed to find myself the least bit freaked out while reading the book. Perhaps it's the visuals that freak me out more than words? I should try a few more horror books. Then again, I've read Stephen King and have been sufficiently creeped out. Oh well.
I guess the upshot is that the movie was better. To me, at least. There are a couple more short stories included in the book which I have not yet read, but I hope they're better than I Am Legend, which lacked the impact the movie had.
That said, the story was alright. The movie is very different from the book, and the titular phrase takes on a very different meaning in it. I prefer the movie, since I'm a sucker for those small-colony-of-humans-at-the-seeming-end-of-the-world plots. And I like happy(-ier) endings.
I found it hard to get into the story in the beginning. Matheson's writing came across as confusing and abrupt. Then again, it might have been my inability to follow his prose. *shrug*
My favourite bit in the book was when the dog appeared. It gave the story a human element that was missing, something that I felt the main character Robert Neville lacked. I didn't like him; he was a very angry, violent man who smoked and drank too much. I couldn't understand him at all. Matheson seems to write in a merely descriptive way without delving into any meaningful thoughts or insights.
Maybe it's because I watched the movie already, but I failed to find myself the least bit freaked out while reading the book. Perhaps it's the visuals that freak me out more than words? I should try a few more horror books. Then again, I've read Stephen King and have been sufficiently creeped out. Oh well.
I guess the upshot is that the movie was better. To me, at least. There are a couple more short stories included in the book which I have not yet read, but I hope they're better than I Am Legend, which lacked the impact the movie had.
17:32 / 0 comment(s)