14 July, 2007
(0 ) 21:48 I have so many things to say, but no way of saying them. I don't seem to be able to name to the shades of feelings in my head; none will do justice.
Anyway, orientation is over, made a couple of new friends, got sunburned pretty badly, had fun. Will see them all again once school starts for real in August. I'm a little apprehensive though, because I don't really know what to expect in school. I mean sure, I know about the course and modules and all that stuff, but will I find them difficult? Will I struggle to pass? Will I hate the stuff I study? Will I find a group of good friends? Which CCA will I join? Will I have fun?
There was a sort of speed-making-friends-activity on the last day of orientation where we were split into two groups and made to sit at tables arranged in a ring around the hall. The group on the inner ring were to move one seat to their right every five mintues or so. We were to introduce ourselves to each other and pick a question from cups placed in front of us and take turns asking and answering them.
One of the questions went something like this: if you could turn back time and spend the day with anyone you wanted, who would you choose?
I could only give the person a crappy answer about wanting to meet my paternal grandfather who died before I was born, which is false on two counts because 1) I don't want to meet my paternal grandfather, and 2) he died when I was in Sec 1, not before I was born. I have absolutely no emotional attachment to him at all and I wasn't sorry at all when he died.
I feel kind of immune to death. When I hear that someone has died, I feel secretly glad. Glad that they too know the pain and emptiness and glaring hollow absence; glad that they too become newly aware of the precise position of their heart, because it is only in its absence that it becomes apparent.
I don't think I'm making any sense here.
I'm often disappointed in myself. Trying to think otherwise only makes me feel even worse, because the fact that I have to make an effort to think positive only underscores my shortcomings.
So I try to live one day and one incident at a time, and try not to make any mistakes.
By the way, Kings Of Convenience is my new love. Check them out:
Anyway, orientation is over, made a couple of new friends, got sunburned pretty badly, had fun. Will see them all again once school starts for real in August. I'm a little apprehensive though, because I don't really know what to expect in school. I mean sure, I know about the course and modules and all that stuff, but will I find them difficult? Will I struggle to pass? Will I hate the stuff I study? Will I find a group of good friends? Which CCA will I join? Will I have fun?
There was a sort of speed-making-friends-activity on the last day of orientation where we were split into two groups and made to sit at tables arranged in a ring around the hall. The group on the inner ring were to move one seat to their right every five mintues or so. We were to introduce ourselves to each other and pick a question from cups placed in front of us and take turns asking and answering them.
One of the questions went something like this: if you could turn back time and spend the day with anyone you wanted, who would you choose?
I could only give the person a crappy answer about wanting to meet my paternal grandfather who died before I was born, which is false on two counts because 1) I don't want to meet my paternal grandfather, and 2) he died when I was in Sec 1, not before I was born. I have absolutely no emotional attachment to him at all and I wasn't sorry at all when he died.
I feel kind of immune to death. When I hear that someone has died, I feel secretly glad. Glad that they too know the pain and emptiness and glaring hollow absence; glad that they too become newly aware of the precise position of their heart, because it is only in its absence that it becomes apparent.
I don't think I'm making any sense here.
I'm often disappointed in myself. Trying to think otherwise only makes me feel even worse, because the fact that I have to make an effort to think positive only underscores my shortcomings.
So I try to live one day and one incident at a time, and try not to make any mistakes.
By the way, Kings Of Convenience is my new love. Check them out: