29 April, 2006
I hate the way they talk about me as if I'm not there. I don't want them in my house. ARGH.
18:49 / 0 comment(s) 
28 April, 2006
At last, the weekend. I'm tired, but I don't think I have a right to be. I haven't been doing much.
Was looking through class photos today. They always make me laugh! And remember.
Fac outing this Sunday. Last meeting tomorrow. I really hope we don't screw up. Ah well.
I hardly have anything to say anymore.
Maybe the words will come.
Was looking through class photos today. They always make me laugh! And remember.
Fac outing this Sunday. Last meeting tomorrow. I really hope we don't screw up. Ah well.
I hardly have anything to say anymore.
Maybe the words will come.
23:28 / 0 comment(s)
23 April, 2006
Poo. I've been working on the Artemis website again today. I hope to finish it by tomorrow. As with most things that require creativity, i.e. art and stuff, as opposed to academics, I simply cannot deliver when I don't do it for enjoyment. It's not that I don't want the things I make or do to be good, but somehow, when I'm asked to produce on demand, it just doesn't turn out nice. I guess this is something I'll have to work on, especially if I ever want to realise my dream of being a graphic designer or something. Not that I'll ever be. I'm always on the straight and narrow, and I'll probably settle for something boring like being a teacher.
Not saying that being a teacher is BORING, but compared to being a graphic designer, being a teacher is a bit less exciting.
In other news, I'm thinking of taking the SAT. I don't plan to go overseas or to SMU, but I think I'll just take it for fun. And with 3 subs on my hands, I feel that I have time for a bit of extra studying. But did you see the size of that wordlist? A few thousand words. Dear Lord. I know most of them, but... yeah, that's still a lot. If I didn't know a word on each page, I'll still have 50 over to learn. Meh. I do hope what I heard about the other aspects of the papers is true -- that the Maths is SUPER easy O level stuff. I'm hoping I have no problems with the essay, but then again I only do well in certain questions. I've been lucky in my GP papers so far, in that there are always enough topics for me to try and pick one that's best.
Ooh, watched Lost today, and there was a splended Kate/Sawyer moment:
[Sun digging up the bottle.]
KATE: Can I see it?
[Kate starts going through the messages a bit frantically.]
SUN: Kate! Those are private. Kate, stop. What are you doing?!
KATE: We didn't, uh... I didn't say goodbye.
SUN: Sawyer?
[Kate looks down and smiles.]
Phwee! *squeals* Haha.
Oh yeah, we might be getting a maid, and if we do, the parental unit are letting me have a cat! Like wow. I wonder if this will ever materialise. Much as I want to buy a kitten, I think I'll adopt one from SPCA instead. I think it's better to save a life after all. Phwee. But I'd best not get my hopes up, or start thinking of names, because getting a cat is only a 50% thing.
... but still! A CAT! Weeeeee!
Not saying that being a teacher is BORING, but compared to being a graphic designer, being a teacher is a bit less exciting.
In other news, I'm thinking of taking the SAT. I don't plan to go overseas or to SMU, but I think I'll just take it for fun. And with 3 subs on my hands, I feel that I have time for a bit of extra studying. But did you see the size of that wordlist? A few thousand words. Dear Lord. I know most of them, but... yeah, that's still a lot. If I didn't know a word on each page, I'll still have 50 over to learn. Meh. I do hope what I heard about the other aspects of the papers is true -- that the Maths is SUPER easy O level stuff. I'm hoping I have no problems with the essay, but then again I only do well in certain questions. I've been lucky in my GP papers so far, in that there are always enough topics for me to try and pick one that's best.
Ooh, watched Lost today, and there was a splended Kate/Sawyer moment:
[Sun digging up the bottle.]
KATE: Can I see it?
[Kate starts going through the messages a bit frantically.]
SUN: Kate! Those are private. Kate, stop. What are you doing?!
KATE: We didn't, uh... I didn't say goodbye.
SUN: Sawyer?
[Kate looks down and smiles.]
Phwee! *squeals* Haha.
Oh yeah, we might be getting a maid, and if we do, the parental unit are letting me have a cat! Like wow. I wonder if this will ever materialise. Much as I want to buy a kitten, I think I'll adopt one from SPCA instead. I think it's better to save a life after all. Phwee. But I'd best not get my hopes up, or start thinking of names, because getting a cat is only a 50% thing.
... but still! A CAT! Weeeeee!
01:23 / 0 comment(s)
21 April, 2006
Haven't blogged for sooo long. I guess since school started I haven't had the time to come online. This week I've been quite the slacker, I admit, especially since there wasn't choir on Monday, and my mother didn't want me to go for commserve on Thursday because I had a cough. And on Tuesday I ended at 12pm, which is tehrock. Didn't have choir today either, but went for a short performance by the SAF choir who did some a capella pieces for us. The guy who did the beatboxing was SUPER GOOD. He could sing and do percussion at the SAME TIME. Like wow.
I don't really have much to say these days. I'm trying harder at school. I hope I do well in my block tests after June, but... I'm not so sure. I mean, there's a LOT to study for and I'm not sure if I can do it. Oh well. I really hope I can get 'A's in my A Levels... but it seems like a faraway dream right now.
I guess I have to get off to work on the Artemis website, which I have been, admittedly, dragging, and I have to finish it by this weekend. I suck. Blah. I hate doing up content. That's why greyprism doesn't have any to speak of. Hah.
I don't really have much to say these days. I'm trying harder at school. I hope I do well in my block tests after June, but... I'm not so sure. I mean, there's a LOT to study for and I'm not sure if I can do it. Oh well. I really hope I can get 'A's in my A Levels... but it seems like a faraway dream right now.
I guess I have to get off to work on the Artemis website, which I have been, admittedly, dragging, and I have to finish it by this weekend. I suck. Blah. I hate doing up content. That's why greyprism doesn't have any to speak of. Hah.
20:49 / 0 comment(s)
15 April, 2006
This blog needs some lovin'.
I need to disappear in like, 3 minutes though, so this shall be quick. My grandmother passed away on Tuesday morning, and she's going to be cremated today. So I've lost all my evenings this week, as well as half of today, I think. I've never been close to my grandmother, so I'm fine, really, and a part of me feels guilty I'm not sad or crying. But no matter.
It's ironic that funerals are a time when most of your family gets together, especially when you don't usually see them more than once or twice in a year. They're also boring and health-hazardous, what with all the incense you end up inhaling, and courtesy of one of my cousins (I don't know who), I'm now slightly addicted to Sudoku. Haha.
I think it's just me, but I'm unable to communicate with my relatives. I don't talk to them if they don't talk to me first -- they're like strangers, except that if you wind the clock back ten years, it is filled with memory.
I'm always struck by the fact that we're related by blood. How can I be related to all these people? These people who have achieved so much and been so much? And then I'm here, like an afterthought, like the smoke curling away in winding waves, rising spirits from the stick of incense.
I need to disappear in like, 3 minutes though, so this shall be quick. My grandmother passed away on Tuesday morning, and she's going to be cremated today. So I've lost all my evenings this week, as well as half of today, I think. I've never been close to my grandmother, so I'm fine, really, and a part of me feels guilty I'm not sad or crying. But no matter.
It's ironic that funerals are a time when most of your family gets together, especially when you don't usually see them more than once or twice in a year. They're also boring and health-hazardous, what with all the incense you end up inhaling, and courtesy of one of my cousins (I don't know who), I'm now slightly addicted to Sudoku. Haha.
I think it's just me, but I'm unable to communicate with my relatives. I don't talk to them if they don't talk to me first -- they're like strangers, except that if you wind the clock back ten years, it is filled with memory.
I'm always struck by the fact that we're related by blood. How can I be related to all these people? These people who have achieved so much and been so much? And then I'm here, like an afterthought, like the smoke curling away in winding waves, rising spirits from the stick of incense.
09:22 / 0 comment(s)
11 April, 2006
This might repeat some things that were mentioned in the post made earlier, below. However this was written separately, as a cathartic piece of writing, a ramble if you will. Hence do excuse the discontinuity.
I feel like dissecting my feelings right now, even though it's not the right time to do it because I'm so tired I want to sleep, even though I need to wake up so bloody early tomorrow morning, every morning, even though I have work to do that I have not completed. I feel this compulsive need to make my feelings clear to myself. All these thoughts are running around in my head, amok, with nary a regard to order. It's making me confused, the entropy of my mind simply hitting the wall and rebounding back, chaos multiplied.
The dominant feeling I have right now is not foreign. It is one I have dealt with before, yet still do not like. It is brought upon by deadlines and late nights with not enough sleep. I don't even know what to call it, but it manifests itself in a sinking sensation in my stomach, coupled by a need for a lot of sighing and needless screen-sucking. The latter perhaps not even being unintentional. I can't say I have, quantitatively, a lot of tasks to complete. Putting aside schoolwork for a moment, what's pressing is fac comm work, which entails finishing the website (which I will get to in a moment). It's not an awful lot, to tell the truth. I have to get the blog working, which I have just given up for the night because my mind doesn't feel up to processing imagination into HTML code for tables, which I simply cannot summon the energy needed for my lousy-mind-that-works-at-the-speed-of-a-crawling-snail to work. Hence I've decided that I would downgrade to Wordpress 1.2, with most of the customised code fobbed off my own site so I don't have to think so much. Besides, I'm more familiar with the 1.2 interface, making things a damn much easier. Sigh. This is terribly reflective of my personality, whether I like it or not. I can argue that it's so much more practical because I'm lazy and I want the blog done up fast, but the fact remains that I'm far more comfortable with things that I'm familiar with than things that I am not. I am reluctant to venture into territory where things are murky and unknown.
This allows me to recall last Friday, when we were doing our skill A practical assignment in Physics lab. We were simply thrown an experiment on capacitors which we had no idea how they worked at that time, and all I felt was a deep sense of confusion and a sort of gasping-for-air reflex, bringing on the familiar gripping of pen in my hand and nervous, rapid gunfire on the tabletop. The sensation of being lost, of floundering in a sea with no rescue in sight, is so damned terrifying. I didn't know what to do, I didn't pause to think rationally, all I could do was latch on hungrily to the analyses of others, of the tutor, and pass them off as my answer. I can't work unguided, I can't step onto the road less travelled, because I become so afraid I become unable to function at a productive level.
Digressing aside, I shall return to my talk about the fac website. Aside from the blog, I have the rest of the content to make up, which is basically a writeup on our faculty goddess, our mascot, aims and whatnot, a short bio/list of the councillors who are in our faculty as well as the fac comm itself and pictures and writeups of past events that have occured in our faculty. It isn't that much. I just have to get around to doing it. I just have to put aside this constant feeling of tiredness that permeates my eyelids and make me feel like dozing off, like sleep-dust, fairy-sprinkled, into the eyes of dreaming children, who never ever wake up again.
I feel like I am not doing enough, yet this statement is as ironic as it is hypocritcal. It is hypocritical because I will not venture out to do more out of my own free will, simply because I am not a person with a heart so big as to relieve the suffering of others at the expense of myself, and also because I have no love for the faculty, this I admit frankly. That is also the reason why the statement is ironic, because why should I feel as if I am not doing enough when I don't care enough to want to do more anyway? However this statement, this feeling, is so reflective of my inner inadequacies, of feeling that whatever I do is never good enough, that everyone is silently sneering over my work and crossing their fingers behind their backs as they let false words and false eyes praise me. An (admittedly) rational part of me says there is a possibility that this is not true, that it is all in the mind, something which the irrational part of me even agrees with sometimes, but aren't we all made up of impulses, of feelings, of instincts, that make us so irrational that it is only through this irrationality that we can be truly qualified as human beings?
I say I have felt this feeling before. The best and most recent example would be during the Project Work period last year. Dear Lord, it was hell. Okay, I admit I wouldn't have spilt any blood over it, of mine or of others, but it was still torturous, akin to slowly pressing a sharpened blade over your skin, then sliding it over, not hard enough to cut but enough to leave a thin red, line, then repeating the process again until blood begins to bead through, until the red line becomes more of a mark, before beginning at a fresh spot, and repeating the entire process again.
But there is more. Tomorrow there will be a meeting for the choir publicity committee and I'll more likely than not, be given more work to do. It's not that I'm griping about it. The difference between the fac comm and the choir is that I love the latter, and I don't mind sacrificing my time and energy to the betterment of it. But the fact remains that there will be another set of deadlines and sleepless nights.
I seem to be writing a lot about workload, but oddly enough, I'm not feeling bogged down by the pressure of workload alone. After all, I am only taking 3 'A' level subjects. That's a very light load -- let's overlook the expectation to get As for all three subjects at the moment. It's so much, so much more than that. I've probably written about it in previous posts, mentioning it cryptically or briefly, more often than not adopting a self-pitying tone while writing about it. But to tell the truth, most of the problem lies with me and my absolute dissatisfaction with my very self. I've gone over this before, a dozen times, and I cannot convince myself that I actually like the person I am, because the exact opposite is true and try as I might I am unable to lie to myself.
I think I shall stop here. Though I haven't completely written about the feelings that I am experiencing at this period of my life, The past few paragraphs have been cathartic enough for me to take a breather. Perhaps this is Anaylsis I, of myself. Perhaps there will be an Analysis II some time in the future, when again I am feeling confused and lost and need something concrete to hold onto, where that something is the concrete certainty of words and phrases that can be spun over and over in different ways to mean the same thing but with subtle shades of meaning to convey exactly what you want them to. Words are mightier than swords, for you can sharpen them or shape them, direct them or withdraw them, so fluid is its nature.
Enough rubbish. On with my life.
I feel like dissecting my feelings right now, even though it's not the right time to do it because I'm so tired I want to sleep, even though I need to wake up so bloody early tomorrow morning, every morning, even though I have work to do that I have not completed. I feel this compulsive need to make my feelings clear to myself. All these thoughts are running around in my head, amok, with nary a regard to order. It's making me confused, the entropy of my mind simply hitting the wall and rebounding back, chaos multiplied.
The dominant feeling I have right now is not foreign. It is one I have dealt with before, yet still do not like. It is brought upon by deadlines and late nights with not enough sleep. I don't even know what to call it, but it manifests itself in a sinking sensation in my stomach, coupled by a need for a lot of sighing and needless screen-sucking. The latter perhaps not even being unintentional. I can't say I have, quantitatively, a lot of tasks to complete. Putting aside schoolwork for a moment, what's pressing is fac comm work, which entails finishing the website (which I will get to in a moment). It's not an awful lot, to tell the truth. I have to get the blog working, which I have just given up for the night because my mind doesn't feel up to processing imagination into HTML code for tables, which I simply cannot summon the energy needed for my lousy-mind-that-works-at-the-speed-of-a-crawling-snail to work. Hence I've decided that I would downgrade to Wordpress 1.2, with most of the customised code fobbed off my own site so I don't have to think so much. Besides, I'm more familiar with the 1.2 interface, making things a damn much easier. Sigh. This is terribly reflective of my personality, whether I like it or not. I can argue that it's so much more practical because I'm lazy and I want the blog done up fast, but the fact remains that I'm far more comfortable with things that I'm familiar with than things that I am not. I am reluctant to venture into territory where things are murky and unknown.
This allows me to recall last Friday, when we were doing our skill A practical assignment in Physics lab. We were simply thrown an experiment on capacitors which we had no idea how they worked at that time, and all I felt was a deep sense of confusion and a sort of gasping-for-air reflex, bringing on the familiar gripping of pen in my hand and nervous, rapid gunfire on the tabletop. The sensation of being lost, of floundering in a sea with no rescue in sight, is so damned terrifying. I didn't know what to do, I didn't pause to think rationally, all I could do was latch on hungrily to the analyses of others, of the tutor, and pass them off as my answer. I can't work unguided, I can't step onto the road less travelled, because I become so afraid I become unable to function at a productive level.
Digressing aside, I shall return to my talk about the fac website. Aside from the blog, I have the rest of the content to make up, which is basically a writeup on our faculty goddess, our mascot, aims and whatnot, a short bio/list of the councillors who are in our faculty as well as the fac comm itself and pictures and writeups of past events that have occured in our faculty. It isn't that much. I just have to get around to doing it. I just have to put aside this constant feeling of tiredness that permeates my eyelids and make me feel like dozing off, like sleep-dust, fairy-sprinkled, into the eyes of dreaming children, who never ever wake up again.
I feel like I am not doing enough, yet this statement is as ironic as it is hypocritcal. It is hypocritical because I will not venture out to do more out of my own free will, simply because I am not a person with a heart so big as to relieve the suffering of others at the expense of myself, and also because I have no love for the faculty, this I admit frankly. That is also the reason why the statement is ironic, because why should I feel as if I am not doing enough when I don't care enough to want to do more anyway? However this statement, this feeling, is so reflective of my inner inadequacies, of feeling that whatever I do is never good enough, that everyone is silently sneering over my work and crossing their fingers behind their backs as they let false words and false eyes praise me. An (admittedly) rational part of me says there is a possibility that this is not true, that it is all in the mind, something which the irrational part of me even agrees with sometimes, but aren't we all made up of impulses, of feelings, of instincts, that make us so irrational that it is only through this irrationality that we can be truly qualified as human beings?
I say I have felt this feeling before. The best and most recent example would be during the Project Work period last year. Dear Lord, it was hell. Okay, I admit I wouldn't have spilt any blood over it, of mine or of others, but it was still torturous, akin to slowly pressing a sharpened blade over your skin, then sliding it over, not hard enough to cut but enough to leave a thin red, line, then repeating the process again until blood begins to bead through, until the red line becomes more of a mark, before beginning at a fresh spot, and repeating the entire process again.
But there is more. Tomorrow there will be a meeting for the choir publicity committee and I'll more likely than not, be given more work to do. It's not that I'm griping about it. The difference between the fac comm and the choir is that I love the latter, and I don't mind sacrificing my time and energy to the betterment of it. But the fact remains that there will be another set of deadlines and sleepless nights.
I seem to be writing a lot about workload, but oddly enough, I'm not feeling bogged down by the pressure of workload alone. After all, I am only taking 3 'A' level subjects. That's a very light load -- let's overlook the expectation to get As for all three subjects at the moment. It's so much, so much more than that. I've probably written about it in previous posts, mentioning it cryptically or briefly, more often than not adopting a self-pitying tone while writing about it. But to tell the truth, most of the problem lies with me and my absolute dissatisfaction with my very self. I've gone over this before, a dozen times, and I cannot convince myself that I actually like the person I am, because the exact opposite is true and try as I might I am unable to lie to myself.
I think I shall stop here. Though I haven't completely written about the feelings that I am experiencing at this period of my life, The past few paragraphs have been cathartic enough for me to take a breather. Perhaps this is Anaylsis I, of myself. Perhaps there will be an Analysis II some time in the future, when again I am feeling confused and lost and need something concrete to hold onto, where that something is the concrete certainty of words and phrases that can be spun over and over in different ways to mean the same thing but with subtle shades of meaning to convey exactly what you want them to. Words are mightier than swords, for you can sharpen them or shape them, direct them or withdraw them, so fluid is its nature.
Enough rubbish. On with my life.
00:14 / 0 comment(s)
10 April, 2006
I've decided that I love wp1.2, bugs and all. Wp2 is really quite unnecessarily messy, especially for my needs. I guess "real" blogs use them, what with rss feeds and those themes and all. CSS really just isn't my style. I guess it's the way they code it that makes it seem so very messy and hard to read and understand that immediately puts me off. I've always liked simplistic code. Straight-to-the-point. No mess, no redundancies, no vague terms.
Why do things come all at once? Choir's having a concert on 21 May. Am in the publicity committee and there will be a meeting tomorrow at 3.15pm. I end school at 12.00pm. Nice. Then after that I'm going to St. Nick's to promote it. All the way over in godforsaken Ang Mo Kio. That's bleeding far away. It'll take me 1 and a half hours to get home and I absolutely hate that.
The problem however, is not with travelling, but with the fact that I'm not a people-person. I don't think I can go in front of all my juniors and be a "good example" and speak confidently and all that. I'm always squirming inside. And not to mention the fact that I'm lazy. Sigh.
Today we had fac comm meeting. It's not that I hate the people in the fac comm, or the comm itself. In fact I don't know what I feel. Let's just put it this way: if the people were anything like the choir people, I'd be MORE than willing to put my heart and soul into my work. But the fact is... they aren't. I don't even know the people in the bloody comm well. I don't feel any sort of connection to them, or belonging to the comm. I do what I'm expected to do, because it's my responsibility. I can't say I enjoy it a whole lot -- maybe just enjoyment derived from the fact that I love designing and stuff like that -- but it isn't something that I thought I would grow to love. I was talking to WJ one day, and I told him that I joined the comm so I could be part of something, so I could be part of the process of making mistakes and growing up, to bond over adversity and make friends... but it didn't seem to be the case, as time has proved to me. Oh well.
Bloody bus took so long to come. Gave up and waited for a taxi. While waiting for taxi, bus came. Decided it was too late to take bus, so waited for taxi. And waited. Taxis zoom by, even unoccupied ones. Cursing. Swearing. Deep-breathing. Calm. Then a taxi comes. Finally. At about 9.45pm. Argh.
Why do things come all at once? Choir's having a concert on 21 May. Am in the publicity committee and there will be a meeting tomorrow at 3.15pm. I end school at 12.00pm. Nice. Then after that I'm going to St. Nick's to promote it. All the way over in godforsaken Ang Mo Kio. That's bleeding far away. It'll take me 1 and a half hours to get home and I absolutely hate that.
The problem however, is not with travelling, but with the fact that I'm not a people-person. I don't think I can go in front of all my juniors and be a "good example" and speak confidently and all that. I'm always squirming inside. And not to mention the fact that I'm lazy. Sigh.
Today we had fac comm meeting. It's not that I hate the people in the fac comm, or the comm itself. In fact I don't know what I feel. Let's just put it this way: if the people were anything like the choir people, I'd be MORE than willing to put my heart and soul into my work. But the fact is... they aren't. I don't even know the people in the bloody comm well. I don't feel any sort of connection to them, or belonging to the comm. I do what I'm expected to do, because it's my responsibility. I can't say I enjoy it a whole lot -- maybe just enjoyment derived from the fact that I love designing and stuff like that -- but it isn't something that I thought I would grow to love. I was talking to WJ one day, and I told him that I joined the comm so I could be part of something, so I could be part of the process of making mistakes and growing up, to bond over adversity and make friends... but it didn't seem to be the case, as time has proved to me. Oh well.
Bloody bus took so long to come. Gave up and waited for a taxi. While waiting for taxi, bus came. Decided it was too late to take bus, so waited for taxi. And waited. Taxis zoom by, even unoccupied ones. Cursing. Swearing. Deep-breathing. Calm. Then a taxi comes. Finally. At about 9.45pm. Argh.
23:07 / 0 comment(s)
06 April, 2006
Tired. A bit resigned. Commserve ended late today. A P5 girl came in and asked us maths questions. Fractions! It's quite challenging to teach fractions. I don't know if she understood what I was saying. Oh well.
Sigh. I'm a bit sick of trying to involve myself. The past three months have been spent being someone I've always wanted to be, but am not. Now it seems as if my facade is slowly fading away, and more and more of my old (real?) self is surfacing. It's a bit hard not to mention specific events, especially since this blog is read by quite a few people, and because I'm afraid to put people in a spot, so I won't. But suffice to say, the situations involved me feeling awkward because I felt so damned extra, or because silence seems to have become my best friend, creeping into my conversations like an interruption. It stretches so wide it begins to seem as if it transcends physical dimension, pushing us further apart no matter how close we stand.
I find that I have fewer and fewer things to say to certain people. This silence speaks volumes about me. It shows how I'm unable to integrate myself socially, to express my feelings, to appear welcoming and friendly. Maybe I'm not at all, so it's not about appearances but rather, what's on the inside (it's empty). It's so hard to just live from day to day, knowing clearly that you don't want to be yourself. The yearning to be someone else is, to me, very strong. I look out at the world through these eyes, through these glasses, and I see promise and hope, but only because it is sorely lacking in me. The grass is always greener on the other side. I think that summarises the mentality I have quite succinctly.
Am tired. I couldn't divide 850 by 17 today. Brain is not working and thus I'm not making sense. Apologies for rubbish/nonsense/ridiculous (hehehe) post.
Sigh. I'm a bit sick of trying to involve myself. The past three months have been spent being someone I've always wanted to be, but am not. Now it seems as if my facade is slowly fading away, and more and more of my old (real?) self is surfacing. It's a bit hard not to mention specific events, especially since this blog is read by quite a few people, and because I'm afraid to put people in a spot, so I won't. But suffice to say, the situations involved me feeling awkward because I felt so damned extra, or because silence seems to have become my best friend, creeping into my conversations like an interruption. It stretches so wide it begins to seem as if it transcends physical dimension, pushing us further apart no matter how close we stand.
I find that I have fewer and fewer things to say to certain people. This silence speaks volumes about me. It shows how I'm unable to integrate myself socially, to express my feelings, to appear welcoming and friendly. Maybe I'm not at all, so it's not about appearances but rather, what's on the inside (it's empty). It's so hard to just live from day to day, knowing clearly that you don't want to be yourself. The yearning to be someone else is, to me, very strong. I look out at the world through these eyes, through these glasses, and I see promise and hope, but only because it is sorely lacking in me. The grass is always greener on the other side. I think that summarises the mentality I have quite succinctly.
Am tired. I couldn't divide 850 by 17 today. Brain is not working and thus I'm not making sense. Apologies for rubbish/nonsense/ridiculous (hehehe) post.
22:48 / 0 comment(s)
Oof. Have spent the entire evening working on the layout for the Artemis Fac website. You can see a preview of it here. I'm actually quite proud of the layout. As usual, everything is handcoded/drawn. Phwee. there isn't any content up yet though. I'll have to work on it ASAP. In the meantime, with the layout out of the way, I have to go toss together the Fac shirt design.
Oh God. The new song we're learning, Psalm 150, is SO bloody difficult. And for some weird reason, I'm singing the solo part III. ARGH. How the hell did I get picked. It's not even because I'm good. In fact all 6 of us soloists (there are 3 parts, each with 2 people singing) aren't so called the "zai" type. Sigh. We're having humongous problems with pitching. It IS exciting though, and I feel that it sounds nice put together. I just need to get over the hurdle of pitching, as well as try not to get kicked out of solo by Ms Lim, which she'll probably do anyway because I can't sing that well.
The week is ending! HELP! The days are going by so fast.
I finally finished Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince. Call me slow, but yeah. ARGH, cliffhanger! Die die die! I want the next book out, now! *throws a tantrum* Oh, bought Blink too. Saw it at Popular 20% off so bought it on impulse. Argh, I'm not making sense and I'm repeating "argh" too often. I'm tired, it's late. I've got school tomorrow (everyday). Now for some sleep.
Oh God. The new song we're learning, Psalm 150, is SO bloody difficult. And for some weird reason, I'm singing the solo part III. ARGH. How the hell did I get picked. It's not even because I'm good. In fact all 6 of us soloists (there are 3 parts, each with 2 people singing) aren't so called the "zai" type. Sigh. We're having humongous problems with pitching. It IS exciting though, and I feel that it sounds nice put together. I just need to get over the hurdle of pitching, as well as try not to get kicked out of solo by Ms Lim, which she'll probably do anyway because I can't sing that well.
The week is ending! HELP! The days are going by so fast.
I finally finished Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince. Call me slow, but yeah. ARGH, cliffhanger! Die die die! I want the next book out, now! *throws a tantrum* Oh, bought Blink too. Saw it at Popular 20% off so bought it on impulse. Argh, I'm not making sense and I'm repeating "argh" too often. I'm tired, it's late. I've got school tomorrow (everyday). Now for some sleep.
00:45 / 0 comment(s)
01 April, 2006
Happy April Fools'! I hope you guys didn't get pranked badly or anything. Haha. I know I didn't, considering that my day was spent quite normally.
Parents got the air-con serviced. FINALLY. Now I can sleep without annoying dripping noises in the background. Oddly enough, I never dreamed that it was raining. In fact, come to think about it, in my dreams it never rains. I guess one never really pays attention to the weather, but more to the things that happen. Now those are vivid.
Also went to the library to study. Jurong West Community Library, to be exact. I wanted to go to Jurong Regional actually, but it is quite far. The JWCL isn't as nice, nor is it as big. The study tables are along a wall, as opposed to the ones at JR which are placed next to floor to ceiling windows. Maybe I'll go there if I can convince someone to go with me. I was also sitting at an area near the photocopying station, so it was kind of noisy. And my GOD, the KIDS. I. Hate. Kids. Well, not really. Just ones who can't behave properly and go about screaming and crying and playing and running. And I hate their parents too. As much as I don't like to say this, if the parents were to take their children in hand, this would not happen. Really, parents these days spoil their children far too much. I was never a noisy child, and my parents never had problems with me in public (hehe, in public, mind). Most of the parents simply left their children unsupervised, or even worse, not caring if they made any noise at all. Many just shushed their children, but how would the children know that making noise is wrong if the reason is not explained to them? So they would keep quiet for a while, then continue to make noise when they forget all about their parent's half-hearted reminder. Oh yeah, JWCL was FREEZING cold. Brrr. I even brought my jacket. I'll bring my purple Mango one next time, which is thicker. Hehe.
It seems that I haven't posted for a week either. Heh. This week has been kind of slack, really, considering that I missed Wednesday due to our choir performance for an Interpol conference, and 6 periods was taken up on Friday for council elections. Oh, and we didn't have Physics on Thursday either, because Mr Tan was absent from school. A lung infection, apparently. That gave us a three hour break before PE, and Yvette, Da En and I took taht oppurtunity to visit a sports warehouse in MacPherson which, truth be told, is just a small shop selling sports goods. It wasn't especially cheap either, but that's not the point. Haha.
Went for commserve on Thursday at the same place I used to go to last year, but instead of tutoring the kids, there's a new reading programme going on because they didn't want us as tutors anymore, LOL. They said we were inconsistent because as students, we don't turn up during exam periods and such, which is when the kids need us the most, too, so since they had adult volunteers already, they decided we could help the kids in other ways. Problem is, there aren't many kids who signed up for the reading programme, and the girl I got could actually read without too much trouble. Another problem is, I don't know how well she is supposed to read at her level, which makes it hard for me to try and help her. Maybe I'll read up a bit.
Went for NJ Choir's Soundscape 2006 concert yesterday. It was fantastic! I love the casual atmosphere, and the choir is good. XD I especially adored the second half, with the a cappella group performances. It was worth every single cent of the $5 I paid for the two hour concert. EVEN the rush to 7-11 to eat a hurried dinner and the run to NJ to their main entrance, which we jokingly termed "choir PT". Haha.
Am going to school tomorrow (a Sunday!) to support Chee Yang at the Campus Superstar finals. It's going to be held at LT3. I have no idea how they're going to get a live feed in there, but I guess they'll manage it somehow. I don't expect a lot of people to turn up -- in fact I'm going just because I'm curious how it'll be like, and also because a few of my classmates are going too. After all, it IS a Sunday, and it'll end late, and we have school on Monday. Not like I have anything really important on Monday anyway. I think I have something like a Physics lecture, a Maths tutorial and a Physics tutorial, and that's about it. Yeah. And I have a 5 period break in between. How boring.
Oh blah. Nothing else to update. I think this post is sufficiently long anyway. I hope it's enough to satisfy you guys until next weekend or something, LOL. Kathy's not updating much either. *pokeprodstab*
Ooh, a random fact: this is post 200!
Parents got the air-con serviced. FINALLY. Now I can sleep without annoying dripping noises in the background. Oddly enough, I never dreamed that it was raining. In fact, come to think about it, in my dreams it never rains. I guess one never really pays attention to the weather, but more to the things that happen. Now those are vivid.
Also went to the library to study. Jurong West Community Library, to be exact. I wanted to go to Jurong Regional actually, but it is quite far. The JWCL isn't as nice, nor is it as big. The study tables are along a wall, as opposed to the ones at JR which are placed next to floor to ceiling windows. Maybe I'll go there if I can convince someone to go with me. I was also sitting at an area near the photocopying station, so it was kind of noisy. And my GOD, the KIDS. I. Hate. Kids. Well, not really. Just ones who can't behave properly and go about screaming and crying and playing and running. And I hate their parents too. As much as I don't like to say this, if the parents were to take their children in hand, this would not happen. Really, parents these days spoil their children far too much. I was never a noisy child, and my parents never had problems with me in public (hehe, in public, mind). Most of the parents simply left their children unsupervised, or even worse, not caring if they made any noise at all. Many just shushed their children, but how would the children know that making noise is wrong if the reason is not explained to them? So they would keep quiet for a while, then continue to make noise when they forget all about their parent's half-hearted reminder. Oh yeah, JWCL was FREEZING cold. Brrr. I even brought my jacket. I'll bring my purple Mango one next time, which is thicker. Hehe.
It seems that I haven't posted for a week either. Heh. This week has been kind of slack, really, considering that I missed Wednesday due to our choir performance for an Interpol conference, and 6 periods was taken up on Friday for council elections. Oh, and we didn't have Physics on Thursday either, because Mr Tan was absent from school. A lung infection, apparently. That gave us a three hour break before PE, and Yvette, Da En and I took taht oppurtunity to visit a sports warehouse in MacPherson which, truth be told, is just a small shop selling sports goods. It wasn't especially cheap either, but that's not the point. Haha.
Went for commserve on Thursday at the same place I used to go to last year, but instead of tutoring the kids, there's a new reading programme going on because they didn't want us as tutors anymore, LOL. They said we were inconsistent because as students, we don't turn up during exam periods and such, which is when the kids need us the most, too, so since they had adult volunteers already, they decided we could help the kids in other ways. Problem is, there aren't many kids who signed up for the reading programme, and the girl I got could actually read without too much trouble. Another problem is, I don't know how well she is supposed to read at her level, which makes it hard for me to try and help her. Maybe I'll read up a bit.
Went for NJ Choir's Soundscape 2006 concert yesterday. It was fantastic! I love the casual atmosphere, and the choir is good. XD I especially adored the second half, with the a cappella group performances. It was worth every single cent of the $5 I paid for the two hour concert. EVEN the rush to 7-11 to eat a hurried dinner and the run to NJ to their main entrance, which we jokingly termed "choir PT". Haha.
Am going to school tomorrow (a Sunday!) to support Chee Yang at the Campus Superstar finals. It's going to be held at LT3. I have no idea how they're going to get a live feed in there, but I guess they'll manage it somehow. I don't expect a lot of people to turn up -- in fact I'm going just because I'm curious how it'll be like, and also because a few of my classmates are going too. After all, it IS a Sunday, and it'll end late, and we have school on Monday. Not like I have anything really important on Monday anyway. I think I have something like a Physics lecture, a Maths tutorial and a Physics tutorial, and that's about it. Yeah. And I have a 5 period break in between. How boring.
Oh blah. Nothing else to update. I think this post is sufficiently long anyway. I hope it's enough to satisfy you guys until next weekend or something, LOL. Kathy's not updating much either. *pokeprodstab*
Ooh, a random fact: this is post 200!
21:58 / 0 comment(s)