26 March, 2006
I'm pretty much kind of bored at home. But don't get me wrong, it's a good kind of bored. It's a "hmm, I have nothing to do, but that's okay" kind of bored. Just watched Batman Begins and it IS quite good. I'm too lazy to write up a review though. So now I'm sitting here, listening to the load of Chinese songs I just downloaded (hehe). Baidu.com is an awesome search site. XD
I have nothing much to blog about, really, because nothing much has been happening at my end! Haha. Let's see. On Friday went to Kbox with Da En, Wei Jie and Jason. After that I had choir. Exciting.
Had to go to school on Saturday for choir too. We had a short practice. I, however, overslept, and took a taxi to school. What a waste of money, $10 down the drain. After that, went to meet Kathy at PS to return her books and lend her sister Shade's Children, as well as have lunch at Swensen's. Oh God, we were being so decadent that day, haha. On top of our regular orders, we both had smoothies each ($4.50!) and shared a side order of fried mushrooms ($4.60!). Expensive. Was supremely full after that.
That's it, I think. Tomorrow is another holiday, but I have got choir again. Raar. Not that I hate the practices or anything, but you know, CCAs can get to be a drag. You can love something yet dislike it, can't you? Anyway, we've planned a class outing tomorrow to go cycling around Changi/East Coast area. I hope people actually turn up.
I have nothing much to blog about, really, because nothing much has been happening at my end! Haha. Let's see. On Friday went to Kbox with Da En, Wei Jie and Jason. After that I had choir. Exciting.
Had to go to school on Saturday for choir too. We had a short practice. I, however, overslept, and took a taxi to school. What a waste of money, $10 down the drain. After that, went to meet Kathy at PS to return her books and lend her sister Shade's Children, as well as have lunch at Swensen's. Oh God, we were being so decadent that day, haha. On top of our regular orders, we both had smoothies each ($4.50!) and shared a side order of fried mushrooms ($4.60!). Expensive. Was supremely full after that.
That's it, I think. Tomorrow is another holiday, but I have got choir again. Raar. Not that I hate the practices or anything, but you know, CCAs can get to be a drag. You can love something yet dislike it, can't you? Anyway, we've planned a class outing tomorrow to go cycling around Changi/East Coast area. I hope people actually turn up.
17:43 / 0 comment(s) 
25 March, 2006
Argh. Watching Final Destination 2 right now, and I'm feeling a little disappointed (more like irritated, really) because I realised the DVD is rated PG, and all the gory scenes are cut out, damn it. It would have been NC-16, but FD2 was released before the new ratings system came out, so I'm like, every time some one dies, I go, "Where's the blood?"
It's terribly unsatisfying, you know. I was anticipating a really good adrenaline rush.
edit: Okay, FD2 is kinda crappy. Really. The whole movie is less than 2 hours long, and the resolution's very weak. The only thing I liked about it was how there was a lot of reference to the original Final Destination, bringing back the girl who didn't die in the first show. However, other than that, the deaths are kinda not very exciting. Maybe it's because the gore factor wasn't there, but yeah. And two people didn't die this time. I thought everyone's supposed to die? And having watched FD3, those two characters didn't appear again anyway. Bah.
It's terribly unsatisfying, you know. I was anticipating a really good adrenaline rush.
edit: Okay, FD2 is kinda crappy. Really. The whole movie is less than 2 hours long, and the resolution's very weak. The only thing I liked about it was how there was a lot of reference to the original Final Destination, bringing back the girl who didn't die in the first show. However, other than that, the deaths are kinda not very exciting. Maybe it's because the gore factor wasn't there, but yeah. And two people didn't die this time. I thought everyone's supposed to die? And having watched FD3, those two characters didn't appear again anyway. Bah.
22:55 / 0 comment(s)
23 March, 2006
Just downloaded The GIMP and I think it's awesome. It needs a bit of getting used to, though, but I think I'll be spending my free time getting acquainted with it. The greatest thing? It recognises my tablet as a separate entity from my mouse! *squeals* As you can see, I am quite excited. Heh. And the bestest best thing of all is that The GIMP is free and all that. I've known about GIMP since very long ago -- say, waaaay back when I was into the Petz community and such? about 3 or 4 years ago. However I never got around to downloading it until very very recently. Oh, just in case you don't know, The GIMP is a graphic manipulation programme like Adobe Photoshop.
Had our last paper, Physics today. It sucked, to put it mildly. But anyway, went for lunch at Jack's Place with some part of the class (Maths C people plus a handfull of F Maths people, heh). After lunch the F Maths people left to go home and study, while the rest of us went to Cine to look at what movies we could watch. Decided on V for Vendetta, but Yvette had training (which she found out later that there wasn't! what a waste) and Jason was going flying, and Ming Hui was going home (hehe), so that left Da En, Wei Jie and I.
V for Vendetta was good! I don't feel like reviewing it though. I think I need to watch it again before I write anything down. I liked how a different angle was taken on terrorism though, and V... he was just so enigmatic. And Hugo Weaving's voice is just *swoon*.
Remember, remember, the fifth of November.
The gunpowder treason and plot.
I see no reason why gunpowder treason
Should ever be forgot.
After the movie, went to Sim Lim Square to collect Wei Jie's graphics card, then went for dinner at Pastamania at Bugis Junction.
Short recount today. Am tired. Heh.
I painted the back of my Physics notebook. It's not superbly pretty, but I like it. It's just a white star on a dark blue background, with the words "on this ferris wheel the stars seem closer tonight" below it. I don't think I'll scan it though, because I'm lazy. Heh.
HOLIDAYS! Like, until Monday. Then the dull drudgery begins again, a clockwork that repeats itself, cogs and wheels, ad infinitum. I can't stop it. I wish I could.
Had our last paper, Physics today. It sucked, to put it mildly. But anyway, went for lunch at Jack's Place with some part of the class (Maths C people plus a handfull of F Maths people, heh). After lunch the F Maths people left to go home and study, while the rest of us went to Cine to look at what movies we could watch. Decided on V for Vendetta, but Yvette had training (which she found out later that there wasn't! what a waste) and Jason was going flying, and Ming Hui was going home (hehe), so that left Da En, Wei Jie and I.
V for Vendetta was good! I don't feel like reviewing it though. I think I need to watch it again before I write anything down. I liked how a different angle was taken on terrorism though, and V... he was just so enigmatic. And Hugo Weaving's voice is just *swoon*.
Remember, remember, the fifth of November.
The gunpowder treason and plot.
I see no reason why gunpowder treason
Should ever be forgot.
After the movie, went to Sim Lim Square to collect Wei Jie's graphics card, then went for dinner at Pastamania at Bugis Junction.
Short recount today. Am tired. Heh.
I painted the back of my Physics notebook. It's not superbly pretty, but I like it. It's just a white star on a dark blue background, with the words "on this ferris wheel the stars seem closer tonight" below it. I don't think I'll scan it though, because I'm lazy. Heh.
HOLIDAYS! Like, until Monday. Then the dull drudgery begins again, a clockwork that repeats itself, cogs and wheels, ad infinitum. I can't stop it. I wish I could.
22:40 / 0 comment(s)
21 March, 2006
Loneliness is the rhythm of your own footfalls echoing in your ears, the consciousness of your breathing as you notice your shoulders rise and fall gently, the blankness of your stare as you take in the moving shapes and colours that populate your world.
My family doesn't fight. There's just this steady simmer, and eventually, it blows, in the form of my mother, and then everything else just falls apart. I know I'm not in the right, but none of us are. But it sucks being dragged into an argument that you want to have no part in. Of course, that's a selfish thought -- that's what I am, selfish. Everything I do, even me hating myself, is an offense to her. It makes her worry, she says, and of course, I understand that, but she makes it sound as if I hurt myself just to get a rise out of her. Get real. I'd never do that. I do such things because of myself, and not because of anyone else. I do it because I am unable to comprehend how such a lifeform as me can even exist.
I don't even deserve to die, you know. All I can do is continue living, each passing minute ticking by on the clock that's going slower by the day, with this twisted feeling in my gut and a sense of resignation. Maybe not resignation, exactly. Maybe aloofness, or apathy. It's just this feeling of detachment, like everything doesn't matter, that everything can happen, the world can boil over and die, and I wouldn't care.
My family doesn't fight. There's just this steady simmer, and eventually, it blows, in the form of my mother, and then everything else just falls apart. I know I'm not in the right, but none of us are. But it sucks being dragged into an argument that you want to have no part in. Of course, that's a selfish thought -- that's what I am, selfish. Everything I do, even me hating myself, is an offense to her. It makes her worry, she says, and of course, I understand that, but she makes it sound as if I hurt myself just to get a rise out of her. Get real. I'd never do that. I do such things because of myself, and not because of anyone else. I do it because I am unable to comprehend how such a lifeform as me can even exist.
I don't even deserve to die, you know. All I can do is continue living, each passing minute ticking by on the clock that's going slower by the day, with this twisted feeling in my gut and a sense of resignation. Maybe not resignation, exactly. Maybe aloofness, or apathy. It's just this feeling of detachment, like everything doesn't matter, that everything can happen, the world can boil over and die, and I wouldn't care.
21:20 / 0 comment(s)
19 March, 2006
Attempted upgrading Wordpress, but things didn't turn out the way I wanted it to, so I ended up loading the backup I created of the system. Meh. If you want to know, Greyprism is currently running on Wordpress 1.2. Yes, ancient, I know, seeing that there's version 2.x out now. I forget the exact number. It's so bad that there isn't a direct upgrade from my version to that one -- I have to upgrade to 1.5 before upgrading to version 2. Well, I did upgrade to 1.5, but I couldn't remember where to edit the category formatting, and there was something screwy with the link to the popup comments -- I suspect they changed the tag or link hierarchy for it or something, but I was too lazy to check, so I switched back. It must also be noted that I don't use templates on Wordpress -- my site is mostly haphazardly put together and I know my code is not validated HTML. I'm too lazy to care or re-type it. I know the importance of all this validation shit, especially with cross-browser functionality and all that, but really, this site is just a place for me to rant and be me, and what's me without being a bit apathetic, a bit messy, and a bit "Oh, so it works? Then we'll leave it like that and hope the house of cards doesn't fall." Yes, that's me.
In other news, I watched the other two VCDs I borrowed -- have to return them tomorrow, which is a bother, seeing that I'm going to have to bring them to school before I return them to the VCD shop on the way home. But nevermind.
Watched Charlie and the Chocolate Factory (2005) and I must say that I didn't like it. Eep. I thought I would, but I didn't like the entire song and dance routine thingy by the Oompa Loompas -- I thought it was vulgar. Hmm. Vulgar not because it was full of swear words or something -- certainly not -- but because it offended me. Perhaps it's because I watched Willy Wonka & the Chocolate Factory (1971) starring Gene Wilder. Now THAT was a movie I enjoyed, and I simply loved the songs. The 2005 version was really... crass. I can't really describe it. The saving grace of the movie though, is perhaps, Johnny Depp. His Wonka was, I felt, more real, because the scriptwriters gave him a bit more of a background, and I liked how he portrayed Wonka as extremely eccentric. He wasn't even loveable-weird -- he was WEIRD-weird, something you would expect from someone who had closed himself off for ten years (how long was it? I can't remember).
Also watched Pride and Prejudice (2005), and I thought it was good. I haven't actually read the novel, seeing that I only read 18 chapters of the book, but I liked the music and the scenery. Yes, makes me want to go to England. And you simply have to adore the Lovely British Accents, and I like how the lines were all in Proper Old Boring English. The funny thing is, it really is boring reading it because your mind gets all muddled, but hearing them speak it is just... oh, so quaint. The only problem was with my VCD, actually. The entire movie was a bit overexposed, so all the sunlight tended to wash out everything else in the scene. Ah well.
School starts tomorrow. Bah humbug and all that. Maths exam, here I come. *grumblefidget*
In other news, I watched the other two VCDs I borrowed -- have to return them tomorrow, which is a bother, seeing that I'm going to have to bring them to school before I return them to the VCD shop on the way home. But nevermind.
Watched Charlie and the Chocolate Factory (2005) and I must say that I didn't like it. Eep. I thought I would, but I didn't like the entire song and dance routine thingy by the Oompa Loompas -- I thought it was vulgar. Hmm. Vulgar not because it was full of swear words or something -- certainly not -- but because it offended me. Perhaps it's because I watched Willy Wonka & the Chocolate Factory (1971) starring Gene Wilder. Now THAT was a movie I enjoyed, and I simply loved the songs. The 2005 version was really... crass. I can't really describe it. The saving grace of the movie though, is perhaps, Johnny Depp. His Wonka was, I felt, more real, because the scriptwriters gave him a bit more of a background, and I liked how he portrayed Wonka as extremely eccentric. He wasn't even loveable-weird -- he was WEIRD-weird, something you would expect from someone who had closed himself off for ten years (how long was it? I can't remember).
Also watched Pride and Prejudice (2005), and I thought it was good. I haven't actually read the novel, seeing that I only read 18 chapters of the book, but I liked the music and the scenery. Yes, makes me want to go to England. And you simply have to adore the Lovely British Accents, and I like how the lines were all in Proper Old Boring English. The funny thing is, it really is boring reading it because your mind gets all muddled, but hearing them speak it is just... oh, so quaint. The only problem was with my VCD, actually. The entire movie was a bit overexposed, so all the sunlight tended to wash out everything else in the scene. Ah well.
School starts tomorrow. Bah humbug and all that. Maths exam, here I come. *grumblefidget*
22:45 / 0 comment(s)
16 March, 2006
I realise my writing is so shallow. It's always about me, isn't it? Me, me, me. Nothing remotely reflective or mature goes on in this head of mine.
In other news, just watched Constantine. Yes, the one with Keanu Reeves in it. Rented four movies altogether, because I decided that I wanted to be a couch potato for once (although it's more like computer chair potato). Anyway, Constantine was... sort of good. Good in a sense that I enjoyed it, with it's Hollywood theatrics and all. The plot itself was good (I'm ignoring the fact that it's being based off some graphic novel here), and I liked how our hero was kind of flawed, and I liked the scene where he cuts his wrist. No, this is not my sadistic nature showing -- I didn't like the fact that he cut it, but I liked what it represented, his sacrifice, his humanity. I also loved the gritty reality of the movie. Yes, that's ironic, seeing that there's nothing real about the movie (come on, devils, crawling on Earth? here? you must be joking, they're already inside every one of us), but I liked the cracked tiles of Constantine's bathroom slicked with slime, the smoky environs of his termite-eaten wooden abode (oh god, no roleplay language here please), the unshaven, wild look in his eyes, of one who knows so much he doesn't want to know anymore, the fact that none of the props were chrome and perfect. Yes, well, I thought hell was nicely portrayed.
However what I didn't like about the movie was how it's so very Hollywood. Haha. Yes. Kind of contradicting myself here. I mean, like and enjoy are two different things. I enjoyed the effects, the movie experience, but I didn't really like it. There was nothing deep about the movie, save it's subject topic, about Heaven and Hell and God and the Devil and all that. Heavy stuff. There's something different about watching The Pianist and this, you know? But I guess you can't compare movies that.
It's safe to say that I enjoyed Constantine though, and it didn't suffer the fate of the fast-forward button. Heh.
In other news, just watched Constantine. Yes, the one with Keanu Reeves in it. Rented four movies altogether, because I decided that I wanted to be a couch potato for once (although it's more like computer chair potato). Anyway, Constantine was... sort of good. Good in a sense that I enjoyed it, with it's Hollywood theatrics and all. The plot itself was good (I'm ignoring the fact that it's being based off some graphic novel here), and I liked how our hero was kind of flawed, and I liked the scene where he cuts his wrist. No, this is not my sadistic nature showing -- I didn't like the fact that he cut it, but I liked what it represented, his sacrifice, his humanity. I also loved the gritty reality of the movie. Yes, that's ironic, seeing that there's nothing real about the movie (come on, devils, crawling on Earth? here? you must be joking, they're already inside every one of us), but I liked the cracked tiles of Constantine's bathroom slicked with slime, the smoky environs of his termite-eaten wooden abode (oh god, no roleplay language here please), the unshaven, wild look in his eyes, of one who knows so much he doesn't want to know anymore, the fact that none of the props were chrome and perfect. Yes, well, I thought hell was nicely portrayed.
However what I didn't like about the movie was how it's so very Hollywood. Haha. Yes. Kind of contradicting myself here. I mean, like and enjoy are two different things. I enjoyed the effects, the movie experience, but I didn't really like it. There was nothing deep about the movie, save it's subject topic, about Heaven and Hell and God and the Devil and all that. Heavy stuff. There's something different about watching The Pianist and this, you know? But I guess you can't compare movies that.
It's safe to say that I enjoyed Constantine though, and it didn't suffer the fate of the fast-forward button. Heh.
19:51 / 0 comment(s)
Finished Sunstorm (by Arthur C. Clarke and Stephen Baxter), a book I borrowed last Friday. It isn't as bad as the reviews at Amazon will have you think it is, actually, although the first book, Time's Eye, far surpasses it.
Of course there's the science, which is perhaps the only area in which Sunstorm triumphs over its predecessor. However what was SEVERELY lacking was characterisation. I mean, there were so many characters who could have been further explored. I mean, I found Eugene, the Einstein of the book, to be exceptionally interesting, especially with his withdrawn personality and somewhat autistic behaviour, but other than telling readers that he used to be a farmboy when he was younger, we readers know almost nothing else about him. I want to know, I want to care, but the authors didn't give me the opportunity to. There's also Mikhail, the gay scientist who is in charge of studying the solar weather. His character was quite promising in the beginning, but he was quickly abandoned as the story progressed, after which the focus seemed to switch to Siobhan, who didn't impress me at all. In fact I found her rather dry. For some reason, I found the romance between Siobhan and Bud to be rather annoying.
What I found very unsatisfying was how there were only the briefest mentions of Mir, the fantastic patchwork of time which the Firstborn apparently engineered, where different bits of the earth at different eras became melded together, throwing peacekeeping troops from 2037 with 19th century English colonists from India. We even got to meet Rudyard Kipling, Alexander the Great, Genghis Khan and Babylon. Like, how can you surpass such dramatics? Instead, Sunstorm revolved around the post-modern world, which I found to be "duh" a lot of the time. Okay, you have all these A.I.s running around, and supersmart cars and dishwashers and alarm clocks. Okay. And then there came the surfeit of females in power. Yeah yeah, we know, in the enlightened society of tomorrow, there is no more discrimination and women have equal rights, blah blah, but the Astronomer Royal (sort of like, a spokesperson for astronomers? actually I'm not sure myself...), Eurasian Prime Minister, American President (for some reason I always get the American and Eurasia PMs mixed up, as well as their posts... as it is, I'm not if she was a president or a prime minister or god-knows-what) and Australian President (PM?) were all female. And the Australian one was aboriginal, to boot. Okay, we get the politics. Lay it off a bit, will you?
Hmm it seems that I did more criticising than anything, even though I said the book wasn't bad. It truly isn't, but while I bought Time's Eye, I don't think I'll buy Sunstorm. It isn't worth my money. Hmm. The good stuff about Sunstorm? Well, it didn't bore me. The action was quite fast-paced, which made me want to read on to find out what happened, despite not caring much about the characters. Okay, we've established that I'm a sadistic person. I like reading about Armageddon, okay? Heh. But no, Earth didn't get vaporised or anything.
I guess everyone's being so critical of The Time Odyssey (that's the name of the series) because these two authors are at the top of their game. I've read their other books, Clarke's Odyssey series and many of his short stories, as well as one or two Baxter novels, and found them engaging and exciting. Their collaboration seems to have toned them down a bit though.
If it's saying anything at all, I think Alastair Reynold's Century Rain was better. And I didn't like or hate that one.
Of course there's the science, which is perhaps the only area in which Sunstorm triumphs over its predecessor. However what was SEVERELY lacking was characterisation. I mean, there were so many characters who could have been further explored. I mean, I found Eugene, the Einstein of the book, to be exceptionally interesting, especially with his withdrawn personality and somewhat autistic behaviour, but other than telling readers that he used to be a farmboy when he was younger, we readers know almost nothing else about him. I want to know, I want to care, but the authors didn't give me the opportunity to. There's also Mikhail, the gay scientist who is in charge of studying the solar weather. His character was quite promising in the beginning, but he was quickly abandoned as the story progressed, after which the focus seemed to switch to Siobhan, who didn't impress me at all. In fact I found her rather dry. For some reason, I found the romance between Siobhan and Bud to be rather annoying.
What I found very unsatisfying was how there were only the briefest mentions of Mir, the fantastic patchwork of time which the Firstborn apparently engineered, where different bits of the earth at different eras became melded together, throwing peacekeeping troops from 2037 with 19th century English colonists from India. We even got to meet Rudyard Kipling, Alexander the Great, Genghis Khan and Babylon. Like, how can you surpass such dramatics? Instead, Sunstorm revolved around the post-modern world, which I found to be "duh" a lot of the time. Okay, you have all these A.I.s running around, and supersmart cars and dishwashers and alarm clocks. Okay. And then there came the surfeit of females in power. Yeah yeah, we know, in the enlightened society of tomorrow, there is no more discrimination and women have equal rights, blah blah, but the Astronomer Royal (sort of like, a spokesperson for astronomers? actually I'm not sure myself...), Eurasian Prime Minister, American President (for some reason I always get the American and Eurasia PMs mixed up, as well as their posts... as it is, I'm not if she was a president or a prime minister or god-knows-what) and Australian President (PM?) were all female. And the Australian one was aboriginal, to boot. Okay, we get the politics. Lay it off a bit, will you?
Hmm it seems that I did more criticising than anything, even though I said the book wasn't bad. It truly isn't, but while I bought Time's Eye, I don't think I'll buy Sunstorm. It isn't worth my money. Hmm. The good stuff about Sunstorm? Well, it didn't bore me. The action was quite fast-paced, which made me want to read on to find out what happened, despite not caring much about the characters. Okay, we've established that I'm a sadistic person. I like reading about Armageddon, okay? Heh. But no, Earth didn't get vaporised or anything.
I guess everyone's being so critical of The Time Odyssey (that's the name of the series) because these two authors are at the top of their game. I've read their other books, Clarke's Odyssey series and many of his short stories, as well as one or two Baxter novels, and found them engaging and exciting. Their collaboration seems to have toned them down a bit though.
If it's saying anything at all, I think Alastair Reynold's Century Rain was better. And I didn't like or hate that one.
00:53 / 0 comment(s)
13 March, 2006
Sort of just came back from Huang Cheng. Yeah, quite late, and I should be going to sleep, but I don't feel like it. I'm wide awake.
Met with Lay Ning on the MRT and travelled to City Hall MRT to meet the rest who were going to watch Huang Cheng, namely Jason, Yanxia, Ms Yang and Da En, in order of arrival. LOL. We decided that we all weren't hungry, and ended up at Haagen-Daaz in Raffles City eating chocolate fondue, which Ms Yang kindly treated. Yay! Poh Wei and Wei Jie met up with us outside Haagen-Daaz, and for once, Poh was not the latest. LOL. After having a completely indulgent "dinner", we walked to Victoria Theatre. Realised that our seats weren't exactly the best ones -- we were at circle 2, the higher circle seats. It isn't b-a-d, but from our angle, there were some stuff on the screen that we couldn't see, which was immensely annoying, especially since the second play made liberal use of it.
Talking about the plays. I think I must be stupid or something, because I didn't "get" any of them. I mean, I got the main gist, but not the meaning of them. Seriously, I think it's because my Chinese is really really bad or something. Ah well. I didn't enjoy this as much as last year's. However the plays themselves aside, I loved the staging, as in, how the effects were done and achieved, and the props and all that. They were really great. One thing I love is the exuberance of the crew and cast. You've really got to hand it to them for that rousing rendition of the 黄城 song, and the cheering and the clapping and all that.
After the performance we went to Mac's. We intended to go to the one near Raffles Place MRT, but realised it was closed. Ended up walking all the way to near City Hall where there was a 24 hour Mac's open, sort of across the road from CHIJMES, and we had supper there, which explains why I'm so full and cannot sleep. Heh. Sat there and talked a bit, took some photos, then went home.
Shared a cab with Poh and Lay Ning. Do you know how much the bloody fare cost? $24.55. Raar. It's actually $17+, but because of midnight surcharge and all that it came up to $24. >.< Oh, we managed to catch a Mercedes cab too. Speedy driving and nice interior. However I felt the cab driver was trying to earn more money or something, because he took all the long routes? I'm not sure. Anyway, I think this could be one of the latest times that I've got home.
Watched The Pianist on TV yesterday. I didn't think I would like it, but I did. I never liked films about the war, and at the beginning, it was kind of draggy at first and I almost gave up, but I persisted on, just to see what it was like, and I sure don't regret it. The movie was good, and the silence of the second half of the movie really struck me, as well as the desolation of it all. Yet desolation wasn't the thing that drew me -- it was that sliver of hope, that was clung to and never let go; the determination and will to live, to persevere. It was that quality that made the movie so meaningful. I was sceptical at first, but now I can safely say that yes, it's a good movie, so watch it if you can.
One week of holidays. Argh. Holidays are the very best and worst times. It's what I've always been wishing for, time to sit down and actually study. But that in itself is the very problem, because I get so restless, and I keep on thinking that there's more time, wherever it came from, and so I spend my time idling away, thinking that there's always tomorrow. But that isn't true, because tomorrow always inevitably comes, whether it crawls or leaps or runs or flies, but it eventually reaches you and becomes today, and sooner that later, you realise you have no tomorrows left, and then what?
Met with Lay Ning on the MRT and travelled to City Hall MRT to meet the rest who were going to watch Huang Cheng, namely Jason, Yanxia, Ms Yang and Da En, in order of arrival. LOL. We decided that we all weren't hungry, and ended up at Haagen-Daaz in Raffles City eating chocolate fondue, which Ms Yang kindly treated. Yay! Poh Wei and Wei Jie met up with us outside Haagen-Daaz, and for once, Poh was not the latest. LOL. After having a completely indulgent "dinner", we walked to Victoria Theatre. Realised that our seats weren't exactly the best ones -- we were at circle 2, the higher circle seats. It isn't b-a-d, but from our angle, there were some stuff on the screen that we couldn't see, which was immensely annoying, especially since the second play made liberal use of it.
Talking about the plays. I think I must be stupid or something, because I didn't "get" any of them. I mean, I got the main gist, but not the meaning of them. Seriously, I think it's because my Chinese is really really bad or something. Ah well. I didn't enjoy this as much as last year's. However the plays themselves aside, I loved the staging, as in, how the effects were done and achieved, and the props and all that. They were really great. One thing I love is the exuberance of the crew and cast. You've really got to hand it to them for that rousing rendition of the 黄城 song, and the cheering and the clapping and all that.
After the performance we went to Mac's. We intended to go to the one near Raffles Place MRT, but realised it was closed. Ended up walking all the way to near City Hall where there was a 24 hour Mac's open, sort of across the road from CHIJMES, and we had supper there, which explains why I'm so full and cannot sleep. Heh. Sat there and talked a bit, took some photos, then went home.
Shared a cab with Poh and Lay Ning. Do you know how much the bloody fare cost? $24.55. Raar. It's actually $17+, but because of midnight surcharge and all that it came up to $24. >.< Oh, we managed to catch a Mercedes cab too. Speedy driving and nice interior. However I felt the cab driver was trying to earn more money or something, because he took all the long routes? I'm not sure. Anyway, I think this could be one of the latest times that I've got home.
Watched The Pianist on TV yesterday. I didn't think I would like it, but I did. I never liked films about the war, and at the beginning, it was kind of draggy at first and I almost gave up, but I persisted on, just to see what it was like, and I sure don't regret it. The movie was good, and the silence of the second half of the movie really struck me, as well as the desolation of it all. Yet desolation wasn't the thing that drew me -- it was that sliver of hope, that was clung to and never let go; the determination and will to live, to persevere. It was that quality that made the movie so meaningful. I was sceptical at first, but now I can safely say that yes, it's a good movie, so watch it if you can.
One week of holidays. Argh. Holidays are the very best and worst times. It's what I've always been wishing for, time to sit down and actually study. But that in itself is the very problem, because I get so restless, and I keep on thinking that there's more time, wherever it came from, and so I spend my time idling away, thinking that there's always tomorrow. But that isn't true, because tomorrow always inevitably comes, whether it crawls or leaps or runs or flies, but it eventually reaches you and becomes today, and sooner that later, you realise you have no tomorrows left, and then what?
01:36 / 0 comment(s)
11 March, 2006
Okay. I wasted another evening. Yet again. But I remodelled. I decided that I simply couldn't stand lime green anymore. It wasn't reflective of my mood. This is so much more... me. If you're still seeing a lime green background or mismatched images, press ctrl+f5. Anyway, I kind of like the small font of this layout. Too bad if you can't read. Get a pair of glasses.
22:07 / 0 comment(s)
Went to the St. Nick's funfair today. Met a few people from 4D, as well as saw some familiar faces from my level, especially a lot of Hwa Chong St. Nick's people. It was a terribly hot day though, and the three of us, Meow, Weiqi and me (I, if you want to go all grammatical) took refuge in the MEP room where there was aircon! Yay. Listened to some of the MEP students play their pieces.
If you think all I did during the funfair was to coop myself up in the MEP room, you're wrong! (but you're not far off, ehhe) We did venture to the more populous areas of the basketball court and canteen and family lounge and suchlike and walked through crowds and stuff like that. I even bought food to eat. What kind of shocked me was how there were stuff like real rides that you find at carnivals, as well as arcade game machines. What happened to "simple in virtue"? I can only hope those machines were sponsored.
It felt weird to be back, if you ask me. And it feels so different, being an outsider. As I walked through the hallways, I could have been walking through any hallway at all, not the school that I spent ten formative years of my life at. Visited the 4D classroom: they erased our messages hidden beneath the grid-board (it's a movabe blackboard with a grid on it). The messages bore stuff like "4D04 rocks!" and stuff like that. I think it dated back from the 02 batch, but I can't remember. Now it's gone. Of course, I miss the blackboards too. I really really dislike white boards. They're so... I don't know, modern. What I don't like is how the school is painted. A lot has been said about this, but perhaps, if the walls were white and blue again, I would have felt more at home. But now they're garishly green and strikingly peach. It's almost revolting.
I feel like remodelling. Hmm. This layout is starting to get to me, however much I like lime green and all.
If you think all I did during the funfair was to coop myself up in the MEP room, you're wrong! (but you're not far off, ehhe) We did venture to the more populous areas of the basketball court and canteen and family lounge and suchlike and walked through crowds and stuff like that. I even bought food to eat. What kind of shocked me was how there were stuff like real rides that you find at carnivals, as well as arcade game machines. What happened to "simple in virtue"? I can only hope those machines were sponsored.
It felt weird to be back, if you ask me. And it feels so different, being an outsider. As I walked through the hallways, I could have been walking through any hallway at all, not the school that I spent ten formative years of my life at. Visited the 4D classroom: they erased our messages hidden beneath the grid-board (it's a movabe blackboard with a grid on it). The messages bore stuff like "4D04 rocks!" and stuff like that. I think it dated back from the 02 batch, but I can't remember. Now it's gone. Of course, I miss the blackboards too. I really really dislike white boards. They're so... I don't know, modern. What I don't like is how the school is painted. A lot has been said about this, but perhaps, if the walls were white and blue again, I would have felt more at home. But now they're garishly green and strikingly peach. It's almost revolting.
I feel like remodelling. Hmm. This layout is starting to get to me, however much I like lime green and all.
19:35 / 0 comment(s)
10 March, 2006
Yingwan: Yeah, haven't come online for quite a while. But since today's the last day of term, I decided to make an exception.
Today was the GP paper. Yes, I found it difficult. I think I announced it to most people already anyway. Oh well. Anyway I chose question 12, "'Trust your instincts.' To what extent is this sound advice?" or something similar. I'm horrible at examples, and I think I had very few points. As for the few examples I had, they were what I hazily remembered from reading the first chapter or so of Blink (by Malcolm Gladwell) under the desk during GP lesson before the rightful owner came to take it away.
After GP which totally ruined my hand, went for a quick lunch at the school canteen, then for Chem remedial. I actually thought it was okay and cleared a couple of my doubts. Went home after that. Reached the bus interchange and then remembered that the Jurong West Community Library was opening today! So I conveniently crossed the road to have a looksee. And you know what happens to Qian whenever she goes to the library: she borrows books. This will be the death of her someday, especially since I'm supposed to be studying for my Block Tests. Argh. Borrowed two books, Watermelon by Marian Keyes (chick lit, I KNOW, indulge me) and Arthur C. Clarke and Stephen Baxter's Sunstorm, which is the second book in the Time whatever trilogy. I cannot remember. The first book was Time's Eye which I loved and own.
Dropped the Marian Keyes book while getting out of my seat in the bus today. Yesterday it was my Physics guidebook, which is this tome about 3cm thick, which flew in a spectacular trajectory as I was going down the steps and out of the door. It fell with a satisfying plop on the concrete ground of the bus stop which has no roof because a taxi rammed into it earlier this year. Today the Keyes book tumbled out from my grasp and landed near the foot of the woman alighting in front of me. She took one look at it and didn't even help me pick it up. Raar. Scurried off the bus in a huff. I realise I'm getting quite impervious to humiliation because I've done so many embarassing things I don't care anymore. And also because I have an amazing ability to convince myself that people just don't care. Which is true. People don't care what you do. You only think they do, when you do something embarassing, but really, they didn't even notice it because they don't even notice you (actually, they just don't notice me).
You know, I think my friends have begun to find me out. They've begun to realise that there's nothing beneath this veneer of fake smiles and weak jokes, and once they get a glimpse of how starved I am for their friendship, they get scared and run away. And so I'm left here wondering what struck me. I knew this will come some day, because the only thing left to do when you've reached the top is to plummet down into a breathtaking dive that knocks the wind out of you. But the thing is, it isn't even thrilling. It just makes you feel like you want to puke most of the time.
The extent to which I hate myself surprises me.
I have also run out of interesting titles for the subjects of my posts. As you can see, for the past few posts they have been minimally descriptive of what's actually going on inside them. I've also given up trying to be witty.
Tomorrow will be going to St. Nick's open house. I feel weird. Haven't been back in so long and I miss it, but it sure as hell doesn't miss me. I secretly don't want to see the teachers. They'll be wondering how I'm doing in school. Well guess what? Not too fucking good. It's not that I want to be rememebered or anything, because I don't think I was worth remembering. But I always wonder if they'll remember who I am, when I go back. More likely than not, I'll be an afterthought, remembered only by association.
Memories are always sweeter, because the present is a bitter pill and the future... is a fruit yet to be tasted.
I am so random. But to me all these thoughts link logically to each other. I also realise I use a lot of similes. That seems so... primary school-ish. Metaphors sound much more mature. But somehow, I can't write them.
Today was the GP paper. Yes, I found it difficult. I think I announced it to most people already anyway. Oh well. Anyway I chose question 12, "'Trust your instincts.' To what extent is this sound advice?" or something similar. I'm horrible at examples, and I think I had very few points. As for the few examples I had, they were what I hazily remembered from reading the first chapter or so of Blink (by Malcolm Gladwell) under the desk during GP lesson before the rightful owner came to take it away.
After GP which totally ruined my hand, went for a quick lunch at the school canteen, then for Chem remedial. I actually thought it was okay and cleared a couple of my doubts. Went home after that. Reached the bus interchange and then remembered that the Jurong West Community Library was opening today! So I conveniently crossed the road to have a looksee. And you know what happens to Qian whenever she goes to the library: she borrows books. This will be the death of her someday, especially since I'm supposed to be studying for my Block Tests. Argh. Borrowed two books, Watermelon by Marian Keyes (chick lit, I KNOW, indulge me) and Arthur C. Clarke and Stephen Baxter's Sunstorm, which is the second book in the Time whatever trilogy. I cannot remember. The first book was Time's Eye which I loved and own.
Dropped the Marian Keyes book while getting out of my seat in the bus today. Yesterday it was my Physics guidebook, which is this tome about 3cm thick, which flew in a spectacular trajectory as I was going down the steps and out of the door. It fell with a satisfying plop on the concrete ground of the bus stop which has no roof because a taxi rammed into it earlier this year. Today the Keyes book tumbled out from my grasp and landed near the foot of the woman alighting in front of me. She took one look at it and didn't even help me pick it up. Raar. Scurried off the bus in a huff. I realise I'm getting quite impervious to humiliation because I've done so many embarassing things I don't care anymore. And also because I have an amazing ability to convince myself that people just don't care. Which is true. People don't care what you do. You only think they do, when you do something embarassing, but really, they didn't even notice it because they don't even notice you (actually, they just don't notice me).
You know, I think my friends have begun to find me out. They've begun to realise that there's nothing beneath this veneer of fake smiles and weak jokes, and once they get a glimpse of how starved I am for their friendship, they get scared and run away. And so I'm left here wondering what struck me. I knew this will come some day, because the only thing left to do when you've reached the top is to plummet down into a breathtaking dive that knocks the wind out of you. But the thing is, it isn't even thrilling. It just makes you feel like you want to puke most of the time.
The extent to which I hate myself surprises me.
I have also run out of interesting titles for the subjects of my posts. As you can see, for the past few posts they have been minimally descriptive of what's actually going on inside them. I've also given up trying to be witty.
Tomorrow will be going to St. Nick's open house. I feel weird. Haven't been back in so long and I miss it, but it sure as hell doesn't miss me. I secretly don't want to see the teachers. They'll be wondering how I'm doing in school. Well guess what? Not too fucking good. It's not that I want to be rememebered or anything, because I don't think I was worth remembering. But I always wonder if they'll remember who I am, when I go back. More likely than not, I'll be an afterthought, remembered only by association.
Memories are always sweeter, because the present is a bitter pill and the future... is a fruit yet to be tasted.
I am so random. But to me all these thoughts link logically to each other. I also realise I use a lot of similes. That seems so... primary school-ish. Metaphors sound much more mature. But somehow, I can't write them.
19:19 / 0 comment(s)
06 March, 2006
Final Destination 3 was gory. LOL. But I kind of liked it, like how people like going on roller coaster rides. The adrenaline rush was there. Heh.
I think this'll be a short post today, because I can't seem to find anything to say. I just felt like blogging because... I dunno. Writing is somehow cathartic, now matter how good or bad it actually is. Just getting it concretely into words makes everything feel less of a burden.
Nothing much has been happening, actually. Had JTS on Sunday, where we got treated to Jack's Place. Didn't do much the whole day. It mostly involved a lot of walking around and people disappearing, and me trying not to let that all-too-familiar queasy-anxious feeling in my stomach engulf me. Went to the arcade for a bit, then walked and sat around. Kind of boring, actually. On the way home I wanted to get a Jars of Clay album, but the Life Bookshop at Jurong Point didn't carry any so I got a Switchfoot one instead. It's not bad, but Relient K is better. Heh.
I think that's about it. Really. My life is so boring I get tired of it. Then again, it's not like I want it to be too exciting. Right now I feel like I'm in a kind of transition state (haha), floating between feelings, such that I don't know what to feel, or what I'm feeling, or what I'm supposed to feel. It's this sensation at the back of my head that knows something doesn't feel right, like when you're being spun around with your eyes closed and told to walk straight.
Often I catch myself wishing that everyone would just leave me alone so I can go back to my brooding and angsty, anti-social self. Curl up in this little ball of familiarity and block out all of the unfamiliar that life throws at me. I'm someone who can only find comfort with what I know. Everything else that is unexpected or new throws me off my tracks. But the funny thing is, I crave for experiences that I do not yet have, so I try and make friends with people, maintain relationships, with all that perfunctory joking and laughter that it requires. No wonder sometimes I feel tired, tired of trying to talk to people and tired of trying to wish they would talk to me. That's when I start wishing that I was left alone. Rather, I wished that they didn't exist, so I wouldn't need to bother myself with wishing to make friends and then getting all disappointed when things don't go my way.
Ah well. I'm dramatising things, as usual.
I love the walk home. It's so peaceful, especially at night, with the stars as my companions, watching over me so many thousands of light years away, their age-old light reaching my eyes as mere pinpricks, but implying so much more. The universe is so vast, it makes you feel dwarfed by the weight of it all, pressing upon your shoulders. This weight? It's awe. Awe at the fact that we're alive, despite it all.
I think this'll be a short post today, because I can't seem to find anything to say. I just felt like blogging because... I dunno. Writing is somehow cathartic, now matter how good or bad it actually is. Just getting it concretely into words makes everything feel less of a burden.
Nothing much has been happening, actually. Had JTS on Sunday, where we got treated to Jack's Place. Didn't do much the whole day. It mostly involved a lot of walking around and people disappearing, and me trying not to let that all-too-familiar queasy-anxious feeling in my stomach engulf me. Went to the arcade for a bit, then walked and sat around. Kind of boring, actually. On the way home I wanted to get a Jars of Clay album, but the Life Bookshop at Jurong Point didn't carry any so I got a Switchfoot one instead. It's not bad, but Relient K is better. Heh.
I think that's about it. Really. My life is so boring I get tired of it. Then again, it's not like I want it to be too exciting. Right now I feel like I'm in a kind of transition state (haha), floating between feelings, such that I don't know what to feel, or what I'm feeling, or what I'm supposed to feel. It's this sensation at the back of my head that knows something doesn't feel right, like when you're being spun around with your eyes closed and told to walk straight.
Often I catch myself wishing that everyone would just leave me alone so I can go back to my brooding and angsty, anti-social self. Curl up in this little ball of familiarity and block out all of the unfamiliar that life throws at me. I'm someone who can only find comfort with what I know. Everything else that is unexpected or new throws me off my tracks. But the funny thing is, I crave for experiences that I do not yet have, so I try and make friends with people, maintain relationships, with all that perfunctory joking and laughter that it requires. No wonder sometimes I feel tired, tired of trying to talk to people and tired of trying to wish they would talk to me. That's when I start wishing that I was left alone. Rather, I wished that they didn't exist, so I wouldn't need to bother myself with wishing to make friends and then getting all disappointed when things don't go my way.
Ah well. I'm dramatising things, as usual.
I love the walk home. It's so peaceful, especially at night, with the stars as my companions, watching over me so many thousands of light years away, their age-old light reaching my eyes as mere pinpricks, but implying so much more. The universe is so vast, it makes you feel dwarfed by the weight of it all, pressing upon your shoulders. This weight? It's awe. Awe at the fact that we're alive, despite it all.
22:10 / 0 comment(s)
01 March, 2006
Results today weren't for PW. That'd be out in about early April or late March. Got back CLAO though. Did quite badly, but I passed, so I don't really care. What bugged me was that I did worse than most people, despite all appearances. You see, there's a difference between caring about the subject and caring about the marks. I don't care about CLAO or how badly I did in it, but I do care about how I did in comparison with other people. Don't ask me why, I just don't do take failure too well.
It's funny, though. How I feel that I've become used to failing (this word is used in a general sense. I didn't actually fail CLAO, just myself), when each time it just opens up the wound that has been opened and healed over so many times the scar has become a part of me. I haven't exactly done well academically ever since the 'O' levels, and it doesn't take a lot for me to give up. I know it isn't good, so don't tell me that. It's just how I am, perhaps something I have to try and get over. It's nice to do well in things from time to time. I miss how it felt in secondary school, no matter how snobbish this may sound. Being one of the better few in class does wonders for your ego.
Seniors came back to get results today. I was blind and I couldn't actually find our senior class in the mesh of people packing the area outside the auditorium (I just realised that area doesn't have a proper name!), but from word of mouth I think most of them did well. Yay to them. This just brings to mind how near the 'A' levels actually are. One more year isn't too far away. One more year and I would be there, just like them, collecting my bloody results slip. It's just a slip of paper printed in green ink, but it spells out your immediate future in less than 100 characters. Ah well.
Took the MRT home today. It was refreshing. A bit more expensive though, seeing that the MRT route involves me taking two buses and one train, as opposed to just two buses, but when I reached the bus stop I just missed 174. Besides, the MRT route is faster by about 10 min or so. So instead of taking 1 hour to get home, I take 50 min.
Half day tomorrow. Shall try and get the class to watch Final Destination 3 with me. Heh.
It's funny, though. How I feel that I've become used to failing (this word is used in a general sense. I didn't actually fail CLAO, just myself), when each time it just opens up the wound that has been opened and healed over so many times the scar has become a part of me. I haven't exactly done well academically ever since the 'O' levels, and it doesn't take a lot for me to give up. I know it isn't good, so don't tell me that. It's just how I am, perhaps something I have to try and get over. It's nice to do well in things from time to time. I miss how it felt in secondary school, no matter how snobbish this may sound. Being one of the better few in class does wonders for your ego.
Seniors came back to get results today. I was blind and I couldn't actually find our senior class in the mesh of people packing the area outside the auditorium (I just realised that area doesn't have a proper name!), but from word of mouth I think most of them did well. Yay to them. This just brings to mind how near the 'A' levels actually are. One more year isn't too far away. One more year and I would be there, just like them, collecting my bloody results slip. It's just a slip of paper printed in green ink, but it spells out your immediate future in less than 100 characters. Ah well.
Took the MRT home today. It was refreshing. A bit more expensive though, seeing that the MRT route involves me taking two buses and one train, as opposed to just two buses, but when I reached the bus stop I just missed 174. Besides, the MRT route is faster by about 10 min or so. So instead of taking 1 hour to get home, I take 50 min.
Half day tomorrow. Shall try and get the class to watch Final Destination 3 with me. Heh.
20:17 / 0 comment(s)