14 May, 2004
Chinese oral tomorrow. I’m so dead for it.
– Oh gosh, I am watching Blueprint on Ch5 on and it’s freaking me out –
As I was saying. My spoken mandarin in crappy, not that my written chinese is any better. *sigh* I have no confidence for tomorrow. I can read fine, but it’s the conversation bit that has me put down. Oh well.
I need sleep. Then why am I not asleep? I don’t know. I contradict myself too often.
I actually have so much to say. But the point is, I don’t know where to begin. And even then, I find my own complaints unfounded, because I think they are so superficial, and that they might be influenced by my self-centred nature, that it should never be written down but kept inside. There are so many things that I can’t talk about, so many things hidden between the folds, that I don’t know what to do with them. My hands are so full with my own thoughts and interests as a result and I can’t seem to bear another person’s burden. I am being so selfish, acting like this. And I know that I’m not the only one feeling this way. Yet I can’t help but think that others are far more well off in their situation I become so jealous and hurt.
But it’s all within my mind, and that’s the problem. I am creating my own contradictions. I’m making trouble for myself.
I shan’t write any more. No point anyway. I always have things to say when I’m no where near an avenue of release. Haha.
– Oh gosh, I am watching Blueprint on Ch5 on and it’s freaking me out –
As I was saying. My spoken mandarin in crappy, not that my written chinese is any better. *sigh* I have no confidence for tomorrow. I can read fine, but it’s the conversation bit that has me put down. Oh well.
I need sleep. Then why am I not asleep? I don’t know. I contradict myself too often.
I actually have so much to say. But the point is, I don’t know where to begin. And even then, I find my own complaints unfounded, because I think they are so superficial, and that they might be influenced by my self-centred nature, that it should never be written down but kept inside. There are so many things that I can’t talk about, so many things hidden between the folds, that I don’t know what to do with them. My hands are so full with my own thoughts and interests as a result and I can’t seem to bear another person’s burden. I am being so selfish, acting like this. And I know that I’m not the only one feeling this way. Yet I can’t help but think that others are far more well off in their situation I become so jealous and hurt.
But it’s all within my mind, and that’s the problem. I am creating my own contradictions. I’m making trouble for myself.
I shan’t write any more. No point anyway. I always have things to say when I’m no where near an avenue of release. Haha.
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