13 April, 2002
... @10:30
I didn't feel shit today. Then again, it's only 0919 as I write this. But I sure as hell was feeling like shit yesterday. Sometimes, I really do wish that I could blog any time I wanted, because there are times when I really had something to say, and I would mentally blog to Dementia... thinking up what to write in my next post. But when I actually have a chance to come online and BLOG, I don't feel that way anymore, and I would have had already forgotten what I wanted to blog.
Yesterday during choir they had new seating arrangements. Now I'm seated on the third row, right at the end of the soprano section, with nobody next to me. I like my seat at the new music room. It's ever so comfy, because there is a stack of chairs right behind me, and a chair to the left and right of me, so I can lean against them when we aren't doing anything important.
Ramming your head against something is a very effective stress reliever.
Well, all I can do now is to just think happy thoughts, and how my social life has improved since last year. That makes the loneliness better, doesn't it? That doesn't make me feel so lonely anymore. It makes me feel as if I'm in control - I have the power to think what I want.
And I'm going to fail my maths. For the fifteen-hundredth time. I've only passed twice. WHY THE HELL am I so FUCKING stupid? I studied like HELL for this test, but I'm SURE I will fail. Goddamit. I even had a dream that I got a 76/100 for that paper. *rolls eyes* Now how pathetic is that? I know for a fact that the paper is over 50, and I will get less than 25. What is all this futile hoping for? There is no more hope. I am going to fail for the rest of my life - can't get into 3-pure stream, can't get into JC, can't get into university, can't get a job, can't get married, and don't even have the fucking guts to end my life.
Okay. *breathes* That got a bit strong there. *pause*
Lonely? Am I really lonely? Really, maybe Sec2 is my best year in some ways, maybe in others, it is not. I mean, I'm not ignored in class now. At least people talk to me. I remember last year, no one gave a damn about me. Whether I was there, or not. Last year was pure HELL for me. I hated Sec1. P6 and S1 were the lousiest years in my entire freaking life. Maybe I'll turn out okay. Maybe I won't fail my maths. Maybe I'll get an OK average this term. Maybe I'll do well in the mid-years. Maybe we won't fail in IPW.
Maybe.
Then again, maybe not.
So how 'bout that? I mean, all of you wouldn't care. Why should you anyway? This is just another puny life in the already overpopulated world, struggling to find a place for herself in the cruel world. What can she do? Nothing. She is powerless. And you would just close the window after reading this, and 5 minutes later, you'd have forgotten about me. Right? I can bet my money on that, really. I have nothing to do with you, and you have nothing to do with me. So why do you care? No one does.
No one gives a shit about puny old me.
Maybe you can do me a favour? Tell me everything will just be fine the next time you meet me. Make me feel that I DO make a difference in this stupid world. Make me feel that this world is where I belong, is where my death or being would affect a few lives.
Just don't... leave me alone.
0 comments
Yesterday during choir they had new seating arrangements. Now I'm seated on the third row, right at the end of the soprano section, with nobody next to me. I like my seat at the new music room. It's ever so comfy, because there is a stack of chairs right behind me, and a chair to the left and right of me, so I can lean against them when we aren't doing anything important.
Ramming your head against something is a very effective stress reliever.
Well, all I can do now is to just think happy thoughts, and how my social life has improved since last year. That makes the loneliness better, doesn't it? That doesn't make me feel so lonely anymore. It makes me feel as if I'm in control - I have the power to think what I want.
And I'm going to fail my maths. For the fifteen-hundredth time. I've only passed twice. WHY THE HELL am I so FUCKING stupid? I studied like HELL for this test, but I'm SURE I will fail. Goddamit. I even had a dream that I got a 76/100 for that paper. *rolls eyes* Now how pathetic is that? I know for a fact that the paper is over 50, and I will get less than 25. What is all this futile hoping for? There is no more hope. I am going to fail for the rest of my life - can't get into 3-pure stream, can't get into JC, can't get into university, can't get a job, can't get married, and don't even have the fucking guts to end my life.
Okay. *breathes* That got a bit strong there. *pause*
Lonely? Am I really lonely? Really, maybe Sec2 is my best year in some ways, maybe in others, it is not. I mean, I'm not ignored in class now. At least people talk to me. I remember last year, no one gave a damn about me. Whether I was there, or not. Last year was pure HELL for me. I hated Sec1. P6 and S1 were the lousiest years in my entire freaking life. Maybe I'll turn out okay. Maybe I won't fail my maths. Maybe I'll get an OK average this term. Maybe I'll do well in the mid-years. Maybe we won't fail in IPW.
Maybe.
Then again, maybe not.
So how 'bout that? I mean, all of you wouldn't care. Why should you anyway? This is just another puny life in the already overpopulated world, struggling to find a place for herself in the cruel world. What can she do? Nothing. She is powerless. And you would just close the window after reading this, and 5 minutes later, you'd have forgotten about me. Right? I can bet my money on that, really. I have nothing to do with you, and you have nothing to do with me. So why do you care? No one does.
No one gives a shit about puny old me.
Maybe you can do me a favour? Tell me everything will just be fine the next time you meet me. Make me feel that I DO make a difference in this stupid world. Make me feel that this world is where I belong, is where my death or being would affect a few lives.
Just don't... leave me alone.
07 April, 2002
... @10:13
What a commentless blog. Is everyone dead, or ya'll just don't like me?
Anyway, sports day sucked yesterday. My parents went to Geylant to eat, and they only left at EIGHT PM. Oh god. They reached at about 8.15pm... STUPID. It was lucky I bumped into Bithiah and borrowed her handphone to call my parents, or I'd be running around like some freaking lost sheep, mumbling to herself. The authorities might call *gasp* the mental institution! That wouldn't be ver nice, would it? No, of course not.
Today I'm going to Wen Lin's house for the stupid IPW project. We got a lot of things to do. *sigh* I want to stay at home and study instead... I've already studied Geography, and a little bit of Chinese. I can't find my "cheng yu" book... DARNIT. It's so small, I keep losing it. Then when I put it in a "safe" place, I don't seem to remember where I did put it when the next test rolls around. That's... bad, isn't it? Argh, heck.
I feel like a total shit right now. Yes, that sums it up. I feel crappy. Crappy crappy crappy. Oh joy.
0 comments
Anyway, sports day sucked yesterday. My parents went to Geylant to eat, and they only left at EIGHT PM. Oh god. They reached at about 8.15pm... STUPID. It was lucky I bumped into Bithiah and borrowed her handphone to call my parents, or I'd be running around like some freaking lost sheep, mumbling to herself. The authorities might call *gasp* the mental institution! That wouldn't be ver nice, would it? No, of course not.
Today I'm going to Wen Lin's house for the stupid IPW project. We got a lot of things to do. *sigh* I want to stay at home and study instead... I've already studied Geography, and a little bit of Chinese. I can't find my "cheng yu" book... DARNIT. It's so small, I keep losing it. Then when I put it in a "safe" place, I don't seem to remember where I did put it when the next test rolls around. That's... bad, isn't it? Argh, heck.
I feel like a total shit right now. Yes, that sums it up. I feel crappy. Crappy crappy crappy. Oh joy.
06 April, 2002
... @11:44
Sports day later. I hate sports day. Have hated sports day since P4. It is the most ridiculous thing ever invented. Why waste our precious time that could have been spent on studying to go to such a meaningless function? It is no fun at all. Think screaming until your lungs combust, until your throat splits, and suffering under the frying heat of the sun on the half dead field of grass, waving around stupid contraptions, making odd movements you wouldn't be caught dead doing (dancing the family dance, PRIMARY callisthenics, 3 line dances), and then you're supposed to pretend that you ENJOY IT. Wow. What a great Saturday I'm going to have.
0 comments
03 April, 2002
... @20:44
Yay for Wen Lin again! She got selected for the second semester of monitors for our class! *applause*
Anyway, I haven't posted much. Well, this is the first time I've been able to come online since Sunday! See how hardworking I am? Right. Anyway, maths class test on Friday... I don't know if I'm prepared enough, though I did a few exercises just now, plus complete my enormous amount of tuition homework. Blah.
*takes a long gulp of coca cola* I think I'm drinking too much... but what the hell. *drinks s'more*
My hair is horrible... *sigh* I'm just waiting for it to grow longer, so I can tie it up. *nodnod* Imagine me with long hair... ewww... but I can't be bothered to cut my hair every few months. It's annoying, and besides, I look worse and worse with each haircut. I've had long hair before... in P5, I think. Maybe P6. Then I cut it in S1, because I looked extremely horrible (I cut my fringe a little shorter, see).
No one's visiting this blog. *pout* Okay, maybe there are. Maybe all of you just visit this site, stare at it for approximately 7 seconds, then close the window in a hurry, afraid that your eyes will rot because of the tremendously grotesque layout. Right? I think I shall remodel - when I have the time, that is.
I'm online mainly because I have to search for "intresting facts about Shakespeare". My search is fruitful, so I'll zip over and check out the links!
1 comments
Anyway, I haven't posted much. Well, this is the first time I've been able to come online since Sunday! See how hardworking I am? Right. Anyway, maths class test on Friday... I don't know if I'm prepared enough, though I did a few exercises just now, plus complete my enormous amount of tuition homework. Blah.
*takes a long gulp of coca cola* I think I'm drinking too much... but what the hell. *drinks s'more*
My hair is horrible... *sigh* I'm just waiting for it to grow longer, so I can tie it up. *nodnod* Imagine me with long hair... ewww... but I can't be bothered to cut my hair every few months. It's annoying, and besides, I look worse and worse with each haircut. I've had long hair before... in P5, I think. Maybe P6. Then I cut it in S1, because I looked extremely horrible (I cut my fringe a little shorter, see).
No one's visiting this blog. *pout* Okay, maybe there are. Maybe all of you just visit this site, stare at it for approximately 7 seconds, then close the window in a hurry, afraid that your eyes will rot because of the tremendously grotesque layout. Right? I think I shall remodel - when I have the time, that is.
I'm online mainly because I have to search for "intresting facts about Shakespeare". My search is fruitful, so I'll zip over and check out the links!
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